Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Is this emotional abuse?

8 replies

razzlematazzle · 17/06/2016 20:42

DH is the quietest, most laid back person anyone else can ever meet, but he won't let me get a word in edgeways.
My opinions, questions, conversations just don't appear to be important to him and it's driving me insane. When I moved in with DH (5 years ago!) he told me that he would be happy to move house should our house not feel like home to me. 6 months later I told him I'd like to move, he said 'after the wedding' then 'after baby is born' etc etc. 5 years on, we're still here, I'm desperate to move house and we've been looking at houses but he refuses to put ours on the market until he sees one he 'likes enough.' It's soul destroying because I know if we find 'the one' the likelihood is that we won't be able to make an offer anyway as ours isn't on the market!

Then today he returned home from work (I have Fridays at home with DS) and he bursts in and exclaims "wait until you hear about this..." and carried on with a 10 minute story about a colleague, I listened and smiled, nodded, found the story quite interesting and then went on to tell him about my day and abut DS . He began edging out of the room, I followed him and he then cut me off to say "would you like me to put the food shopping away or you?" He had been to get some groceries on the way home.
I told him to forget it. Went to the bathroom in tears (bit emotional, time.of the month) whilst he then went to take over playing with DS without a care in the world, laughing and joking away. I'd been perfectly happy playing with him myself before he walked through the door. He constantly cuts me off and doesn't seem to value anything I have to say, I'm really fed up with it. It makes me feel like shit. I had this overwhelming urge to slap him across the face when I walked back in and he was playing happily away with DS having told me about his day and listened to nothing about mine...

OP posts:

Report

RiceCrispieTreats · 17/06/2016 21:01

Well, he sounds selfish, and he is demonstrating that he doesn't have any regard for you as a person.

I wouldn't call it abuse, but I would certainly call it a relationship that is not worth your while and that will erode your happiness.

Do you want to stay in this marriage?

Report

razzlematazzle · 17/06/2016 21:05

This relationship is eroding away my happiness. I just feel so frightened at the thought of facing the big wide world alone with a child to look after.

OP posts:

Report

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 17/06/2016 21:09

It is disrespectful. On its own not abuse just bad manners.

Have you tried talking to him today about what happened? Or cutting him off midsentence and walking out and then pointing out that is what he does to you.

Report

RiceCrispieTreats · 17/06/2016 21:09

Is that what's holding you back?

Report

Iamdobby63 · 17/06/2016 21:23

Have you tried talking to him? Explain how it appears like he is not interested in anything you have to say and doesn't appear to value you at all. Next time he interrupts you then say something about it, or carry on talking over him.

Report

razzlematazzle · 17/06/2016 21:28

He does it all the time, we're constantly bickering about it. I actually ended up walking out after today's incident. What I don't get is that he's constantly talking, telling me about something and as soon as I speak he's not interested.
I wonder if he's punishing me as I asked him to stop wittering on so much first thing in the morning as I enjoy my quiet. Perhaps it's punishment for that, I've no idea. But for someone who witters on so much, my conversation just appears to be completely insignificant to his. His DM is much the same. I was hoping he'd avoided having many of her traits but this one it appears he has.

OP posts:

Report

Lillygolightly · 17/06/2016 21:33

I don't think this is emotional abuse (but maybe there is more than this one issue), more the fact that he is happy with the status quo and so is not really listening to you and how you feel. The same way for instance he may throw he clothes beside the washing basket but never in it despite the fact he knows it drives you mad, he's happy about it, your not....maybe it's habit, maybe it's intentional, maybe it's not. I think it's time for you to get angry about it and make yourself heard. X