Adult children

[bcngran]

My DiL (age 40) just screamed at me down the phone re my son (age 45) "you gave birth to him, just give him money to get a place of his own, I don't want him here". And a
after she had slammed the phone down my son came on to complain about her.
I think the best place for DMs and DMiLs is out of their children's marriages/relationships, but they seem to want to include me in their rows and rant at me about each other. What goes on in between them is none of my business in my opinion - how can I take sides? and I don't want to in any case. WWYDo? It's not an arranged marriage, by the way. I can do without this.

[BellaS90]

I feel your pain. I have a 40 plus sibling who although continually insulting my parents expects themselves to bankroll her as she refuses to get a job. FFS get a grip, you're not a teenager anymore.

[Cabrinha]

Have you told them it's none of your business and that you don't want to hear it? And then stuck to that, putting the phone down on them if necessary?

[bcngran]

Thanks both. You are right. I hope to live to see them both grow up a bit. In the meantime they need their heads knocking together. It is so sad though that they don't seem capable of taking control of their own lives, and realising that it's down to themselves, not other people what decisions they make about how to live their lives. But one thing they certainly don't need ls advice from me unless they specifically ask for it!

[pallasathena]

Buy an answer machine and screen your calls on the landline. On the mobile, train them to communicate by text. Each time they call you, let it go to voicemail and then respond by text. Emergencies excepted of course. It stops the moaning and the whining I find. That way, you automatically distance yourself from their nonsense for that's what it is most of the time - a whinge-fest designed to dump all their problems on you with the unspoken expectation that you'll sort it all out. And then you're left feeling sad and depressed.
But make sure you don't respond immediately or they'll think you're at their beck and call. Heart goes out to you o/p adult kids can be challenging can't they!