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Food and weight issues

(3 Posts)
MsColouring Sun 12-Jun-16 14:01:44

I met dh 4 and a half years ago online. Food has always been part of our relationship - we've always enjoyed cooking for each other, going for breakfast, eating crap in front of Netflix. Thing is, dh is obese and has diabetes. I piled on weight since meeting him. But recently I have managed to get into the 'zone' and lost 2 and a half stone calorie counting and have also started running. I am now a healthy weight according to my bmi.

Dh accepts he needs to lose weight and has had support from weight management. He has now downloaded mfp and logs some of the time. He has talked about trying to walk regularly but hasn't got into routine with it. He accepts that he needs to do something about it but doesn't seem to stick at anything.
I am finding our relationship hard at the moment - I am feeling a bit frustrated with dh as he doesn't seem to stick at anything and want him to be where I am. I think dh is missing our Friday evening take aways etc so feel like we are lacking common ground.

Kind of don't know what to at the moment - struggling to be supportive without nagging. Worried that this is driving a wedge between us.

LobsterQuadrille Sun 12-Jun-16 18:04:23

Hi MsColouring, to me there is one crucial phrase in your OP which you mention twice - that your DH "accepts that he needs to" do something about his weight. This sounds as if the impetus isn't actually coming from him but rather from outside forces - you, his doctor, society in general maybe. Until he really wants to make changes, it's no good as he'll only be operating with half-heartedness.

The other thing is: have both of you put on weight gradually over the last four and a half years, and now it's you who's decided that you both need to make changes - or have you put on the wight while he was always big to start with? It's brilliant that your mindset is so positive and that you've been successful but, if your DH isn't on the same page as you, he may be feeling threatened by these changes, especially if your weight loss has given you added confidence - it may have shifted the balance in your relationship.
Can't you still have a takeaway once a week and keep it to (reasonably) healthy options - or cook a takeaway type meal at home? It sounds as if your DH is trying his best to please you but that's not sustainable in the long term.
It also depends how much of your eating is done at home - if you ensure that there's no junk in the house, that would limit choices - but equally don't just have lettuce - stock up on filling but healthy choices.

Ultimately it depends how much of a chasm now exists between the two of us and how far you are each prepared to remedy this.

MsColouring Sun 12-Jun-16 19:33:13

Lobster - I think you have hit the nail on the head there. He has openly said that he doesn't have a problem with being big and he preferred being big when he was younger as a defence thing. He will occasionally see a photo and say he's not happy but that doesn't usually last long.

He was big when I met him, it has been me who has put on the weight. I have always accepted him the way he is. I keep saying how happier I feel now I've lost weight and does say I look good but will follow it up with how I always looked great anyway.

We have healthy options at home but he does eat out of the house a fair bit. I will probably ultimately be ok with the odd takeaway but right now I feel like I'm in the 'zone' and don't want to move away from that. He was talking to a friend on Friday about Slimming World so we will see if anything comes of that.

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