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Feel like crying.

10 replies

EarthboundMisfit · 30/05/2016 21:07

My DH is horrible to me. I don't need advice per we, just need to get a small portion of it off my chest I suppose. I think I'll have to end it. Feel so sad for the children, who adore him, and afraid of what he'll do if I do end hit, and need to sort finances etc. We have debts and I currently have no income.

I don't know who is 'to blame' anymore. I have been hard to live with iin the past due to depression/anxiety, but I've been pretty OK for years now and he still becomes obviously enraged by me multiple times every day. If I query the, he just rants at me for a long time. He twists everything I say into a criticism of him or to show I don't consider him.
He says horrid thighs and then pretends nothing has happened afterwards. He tries to Gert me to do things for myself and then turns on me when I actually do them. He'd argue anything. He constantly feels hard done by, but I can't see that he is. I can't talk to him. He twists everything and actually believes what he's saying. He genuinely thinks I treat him badly and ii am crazy.

Much of the time I wonder if I AM crazy.

My next step is to gain more financial independence. I don't know what comes after that. I love him, although I dislike him. Where has the man I married ten years ago gone? Is it all my fault as he says? My mental health iisnt great so it's possible.

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EarthboundMisfit · 30/05/2016 21:07

Sorry about the typos.

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Zumbarunswim · 30/05/2016 21:44

Sorry you are going through this. Your kids might not adore him as much as you think they do if he is causing such horribleness in their home. Have you looked at the abuser profiles? Or read Lundy? Your mental health may well improve away from him.

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EarthboundMisfit · 30/05/2016 22:01

I've had a look. Hr is so convinced I am causing all the issues that it's hard for me to see clearly.I feel so lonely...I literally can't talk to him about anything, even dinner etc, without making him angry.

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Greenandmighty · 30/05/2016 23:42

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your suffering. Can you find some support through family or friends. First step - look for a job, just something part time. It sounds as if your H has anger issues he needs help with but he probably would not accept that as it's a way of controlling you through fear. Good luck. Xx

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Resilience16 · 30/05/2016 23:47

Hi there, please please don't believe you are to blame for your partners abusive behaviour. Name calling and twisting everything to make it seem like it's your fault are classic signs of emotional abuse. Walking on eggshells and being scared to open your mouth in case it antagonises him are not signs of a healthy relationship.
If he can't see anything wrong with his behaviour then there is little chance of him changing. Your choices are to stay put and suck it up (and realistically it is more likely to get worse over time) or start planning your exit strategy. If you stay it will grind you down, destroy any self confidence you have left and make it even harder to get away. I know, I've been there.
Please contact Women's Aid as they will be able to give practical help and advice. The children may well adore him, but think what a toxic role model he is for them. You all deserve better.
I know it is a horrible situation to be in.Hugs for you x

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Oddsocksgalore · 31/05/2016 00:17

You poor thing op, get out. Life doesn't have to be this way.

Fuck him, what are YOU like in comparison to yourself ten years ago?

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BirthdayBetty · 31/05/2016 00:21

Imagine your life without him and his shit in it, and make it reality

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Joysmum · 31/05/2016 00:50

I've had my issues too. A previous rape meant I struggled with intimacy, had trust issues and have an eating disorder.

My DH has been nothing but supportive despite not understanding at times.

Don't make excuses for your 'd'h.

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Walkacrossthesand · 31/05/2016 00:59

All these things he gets angry and rants about - how would you react if he had done them to you? Complete non issue, I suspect? Tolerance of another human being's differences? So there's your answer - it's him, not you.

Looking back over your time together, how long did 'nice H' last and when did he begin to be replaced by 'angry H'?

You deserve to live a calm and happy life - if that isn't manageable together then it will have to be apart. I suspect he won't like this idea - although logically, if you are as awful as he paints you, he'd be relieved to split up!! Another pointer to the 'him, not you' theme.