Just need some help deciding what to do about my dad' s reactions to my DC. Background is that he is late 70's married to my mum who is now in a home, he visits her most days. Currently he is staying with me and family as he has not been well but now recovered. My dad has always been quite strong willed and speaks his mind. He has been here about 10 days and for most of that time has kept quiet in his room as was unwell. I have two DC youngest DC is a pre teen but has always been the most difficult of the two, can be moody, answers back and stroppy at times. He does have low confidence/ low self esteem which I think also influences how he behaves - he will ' lash out ' because I think, he feels embarrassed/ anxious or uncomfortable. Other DC quite calm and quiet. I know that some will say that it's my fault that one child can be difficult and we try to parent youngest DC the same as eldest but sometimes it's hard as youngest DC can be a pain. So for example if he complains / acts up at tea time, I just ignore it rather than say anything as that might provoke a reaction (eg stropping off upstairs) which then spoils meal. I should also say Youngest DC is also a lovely funny and good company when not being moody IYSWIM. BACK TO MY DAD - dad does not see eye to eye with him at all and therefore they argue and dad tends to put him down a lot, therefore provoking reaction ( answering back/ being rude) . This is something I can remember from my childhood too - plus my dad is the person who will say things like " don't be a big girls blouse!" If boys cry etc, which I will challenge him on. Whilst he has been at our house my dad has made many comments to me about how I parent my children (" you let them get away with everything" " you should tell them to help more" plus about my DH ( implies he is lazy) " you have three children" plus comments like "I dont feel welcome here" ( not true) and " my grandchildren are not like I expected them to be - they don't lean towards us as grandparents ( ie they are not close with us). Today we are all at dinner table, youngest DC tipped over a drink ( accident but does have form for attention seeking behaviour at table ) immediately apologises, dad gets up to get cloth, drink is over him mostly, complains that DC was waving his arms about and tells him off, then, spends rest of meal in silence ( sulking) . I am so very cross as this ruins meal for me, both DC and youngest DC tried hard to get conversation going, but dad stayed silent. Then has spent all evening in his room. I am cross, don't know what to say. I feel that his behaviour is controlling and at best if not controlling he is beating like a child, and disrespectful to me and my DC ( DH not here today) Any advice please - I want to speak to him tomorrow morning as have spent all evening on my own fuming.
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