Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Coping strategies

9 replies

whattheheckisthat · 09/05/2016 13:32

I am mid divorce but still living with my ex and I'm really struggling with it. I filed in September but he refuses to move out and legally there is nothing I can do to get him out. And I guess, why should he? He tells me he is happy with the situation but I'm far from happy and it's really starting to affect me. I'm so fed up and exhausted from not sleeping with the stress of it.

I know the obvious answer is to go out more but the whole situation and the way he treated me has robbed me of my self esteem and confidence so other than day to day errands I'd rather stay at home, although I have joined a gym, I haven't been yet.

What makes the whole thing worse is I think he has started seeing someone. So he's basically coming and going as he pleases and is perfectly happy.

How can I cope with this? He says he won't move out until our financial situation is sorted but that could be months away. Honestly I'm such a mess.

OP posts:

Report

pocketsaviour · 09/05/2016 17:24

Have you got separate bedrooms? Do you have DC and if so how old?

Report

Goingtobeawesome · 09/05/2016 17:26

What's making him happy with the situation? Are you doing his washing, cooking his meals etc etc. If so, stop immediately.

Report

whattheheckisthat · 09/05/2016 17:34

Yes we have separate bedrooms. Separate lives. No I don't do any of that at all and yes we have dcs. I'm so fed up its untrue.

OP posts:

Report

whattheheckisthat · 09/05/2016 17:35

Dcs are 8, 6 and 2.

OP posts:

Report

pocketsaviour · 09/05/2016 17:41

As much as possible then I would turn one of the bedrooms into a separate sitting room for one of you (or if you have a dining room, use that.) Just create a space in the house where you can sit on your own or with the DC without having to be physically near him.

Report

whattheheckisthat · 09/05/2016 17:51

Thanks pocket. We are lucky enough to have the space so we already do that. I just get anxiety pains as soon as his key goes in the door. Maybe I'm expecting too much of the situation but it's like a dark cloud is over me that I can't shift. I long for some space and to start afresh.

OP posts:

Report

pocketsaviour · 09/05/2016 17:55

I do know how you feel as I spent 6 months living with my H before I was able to move out. I would come home from work, eat my dinner in the kitchen while helping DS with his homework, then disappear to my tiny cubbyhole where I had my desk and PC while DS watched TV with his dad. Put him in bed, back to my cubbyhole, off to my single bed. It was just about manageable in the short term but I was at breaking point by the time I got out.

Report

pocketsaviour · 09/05/2016 17:56

H would spend the entire evening lying on the settee watching TV and eating biscuits and never gaining any weight, the bastard

Report

whattheheckisthat · 09/05/2016 17:59

That sounds familiar. H does that now. Doesn't lift a finger in the house he is so keen on staying put in. I don't want to live in squalor so I do all the cleaning while he does his own thing. It's like having the worst kind of lodger.