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Taking yourself out of a situation, yes or no?

(19 Posts)
NotGonnaAnswerThePhone Fri 06-May-16 17:24:13

This is a wierd one.

Been with DP for 3 years and am happy, no children.

Never been unfaithful to her and no plans to be.

A close friend introduced me to her friend a few weeks ago and it turns out she has taken a large shine to me. She has sent a few flirty messages whilst drunk. I laughed it off and nothing else was said.

I am enjoying the facts someone fancies me though.

I have been turning down invitations to friends house because she will be there and I feel like I am being unfaithful just by being in the company of someone who I know likes me!

Should I continue to avoid? Given the above, am I "cheating" just by being in her company? I dont have feelings for her, I just think she is "ok" looking and enjoy her company.

Or am I subconsciously worried something will happen if drunk and around her?

I am a gay female btw. Only mentioning it because when I post a lot of people refer to me as a man which is annoying smile

RiceCrispieTreats Fri 06-May-16 17:32:13

In general, trust your gut and don't do things that make you uncomfortable.

Getit Fri 06-May-16 17:55:25

Its disrespectful to your partner
I wouldn't trust you

QuiteLikely5 Fri 06-May-16 17:56:39

Tell your partner the truth

AnyFucker Fri 06-May-16 18:05:07

You sound like you are ripe for the cheatin'

piglover Fri 06-May-16 18:07:11

I think you are doing the right thing by keeping away from her.

pocketsaviour Fri 06-May-16 18:25:42

Ask yourself this.

Your DP meets a new person who she mentions in passing. You think nothing of it.
DP continues going out with your mutual friends and this new person.

After a few weeks you bump into mutual friend who says "Blimey, that Esmerelda has got quite the lady boner for your Susan, hasn't she? LOL!"

At this point you go home, look on your DP's phone/FB and discover a bunch of flirty messages from Esmerelda, Destroyer of Marriages.

How do you feel?

JustHereForThePooStories Fri 06-May-16 18:33:27

Why does this woman even have your phone number?

NotGonnaAnswerThePhone Fri 06-May-16 18:56:51

Mutual friend added her to our whatsapp group chat. It was on a group chat...the flirting I mean. I haven't messaged her privately. I have no intention of cheating! Just feels a bit wrong being in her company knowing she fancies me a bit

FanjoBean Fri 06-May-16 19:05:01

Its a difficult one, I think if you feel uncomfortable or guilty for being around her then there must be a reason. Not that you've done anything wrong but there is definitely potential for it.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 06-May-16 23:08:04

Tell your DP. Take her with you to friends house and make it clear that you are with her and are not open to anything else.

FoxgloveStar Sat 07-May-16 01:06:30

Go to the party and make it clear to her how absolutely massively in love you are with your partner.

SmokyJoJo Sat 07-May-16 01:12:51

Totally agree with the above two posts. You know she fancies you. Now make her aware that you love your partner. Clarification is good.

NotGonnaAnswerThePhone Sat 07-May-16 01:55:31

I chose not to go this evening and have had many missed calls. Told her I'm having a night in. My dp is working nights and just told her that I'm enjoying an evening on my own. So I guess that makes it clear I'm not interested!

Isetan Sat 07-May-16 09:46:09

What makes it very clear you're not interested, is saying 'I'm not interested'. This woman is feeding off your 'I'm enjoying being fancied' vibes and if you're not careful, this will blow up in your face.

Call this woman out on her disrespectful behaviour and tell her you're not interested and then tell your friend and partner that this woman's behaviour makes you uncomfortable.

Your handling, or lack of handling of this matter to date, says a lot about you.

AnyFucker Sat 07-May-16 10:40:11

That does not sound remotely like "not interested"

cozietoesie Sat 07-May-16 10:46:47

You received some 'flirty messages' from her and said nothing? Just 'laughed it off'?

Hey Ho.

Hissy Sat 07-May-16 11:36:59

Bollocks to all this and to you op, if you gave a shit about your DP or yourself you would have removed yourself from the whatsapp group, and deleted and blocked the woman, having told her to wind it in.

Sitting there simpering wondering what to do, what to do <giggle> is utter shit of you.

Deal with it.

willconcern Sat 07-May-16 11:45:09


How long has this been going on OP?

The flirty texts were on a group message - so out in the open?

The missed calls tonight were from this woman?

If the answers to the last two questions are yes, then I think you need to be as open back as she is in her brazenness. Tell her on the group chat that you love your gf and that her advances are not reciprocated.

Tell your gf everything and show her the messages (isn't she on the what's app group?).

Unless of course you actually fancy this woman. In which case, do the decent thing and sort out the relationship you're in first. And remember how brazen this woman is now, as she'll likely behave like this behind your back, seeing as she appears to have no respect for the boundary that is your relationship.

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