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Love Triangle

(29 Posts)
MakeLoveNotWar16 Mon 02-May-16 12:19:05

So guys, i'll cut a very long story short (well as short as i can!)

Right, a new girl started at my work place some 18 months back and she straight away got a lot of attention from all the guys because she's a very pretty girl. Anyways we all soon found out that she was in a long term relationship so interest in her dropped a fair bit although being e a chatty guy that i am, i made sure she was welcome and often chatted to her in the kitchen so she didn't feel left out.

So roll on a few months and a lot of the work crew went on a night out (me and said lady were in attendance) and we got talking about her relationship, my failed relationships (i'm single by the way) and my daughter etc. At this point i could tell that she had some sort of interest in me from the general questions she was asking me. She also told me that her relationship wasn't going too well as it was kind of stuck in a rut and not really going anywhere which i surprised she was telling me all this considering she didn't really know me that well.

So, roll on a another few months and i heard that she broke up with her BF to which i could've seen coming after the chat we had. After a few weeks i thought i'd be cheeky and ask her out for a drink and although she seemed surprised about me asking her out, she agreed! Then about a week went by and i got her message from her saying that she didn't think the drink was a good idea as she had got back with her BF. Obviously i wasn't overly happy but at least she was being honest and upfront about it and it was genuinely true as they had got back together.

So for the next few weeks we didn't really speak much to which was more down to me as i felt as if my pride was a little dented, even though what she had one was the right thing. She noticed this and was in a way pretty sorry for getting my hopes up and then bringing them crashing down. I also didn't realise at this point that she actually really liked me.

So another month or 2 later, we had another work night out at this point we had been talking a lot more and flirting a fair bit. Then on the night we got really drunk and ended up kissing each other.....in front of all the work people...whilst she still had a BF. As you can imagine we were the hot topic for the following week at work to which really didn't look well on us in all honesty, especially for her who was in a relationship.

Then for the following few months things started to get even more heated between us. Although nothing happened physically we messaged each other practically every day and the flirting got more and more intense. In all honesty my feelings for her at this point were not that strong, i fancied her yes but at that point that's all it was.

Then came the Summer works party.

She had been away on holiday with her BF and i had been off work leading up to the summer party due to illness so we hadn't seen each other for weeks although as soon as she was home from holiday she messaged me right away.
Now at the party, we barely spoke all night and kept our distance from each other because people were bound to be watching us. After the party everyone jumped in cabs to a local nightclub and we got in the same cab together. I still wasn't feeling 100% so i said i was going back to the hotel after droppping off the other work guys to the night club....except she stayed in the cab with me. I can't remember the excuse she used but i could tell she wanted to stay with me rather than go off with the other guys.

Now i won't go into detail what happened but as soon as we got to the hotel things got hot pretty quickly and we spent the night together....and it happened again the following morning when we had sobered up. At this point, naturally my feelings for her were starting to be more than just physical. Again we were the talk of work as it was rather obvious what had happened both us not exactly being held in good regard due to her having a BF and rightly so.

So over the next 6 months things got more and more deep, we met on a number of occasions, she stayed over mine and we had very serious feelings for each other but....she wasn't willing to finish it with her BF. Now i must say i never asked her to leave him, i always felt that it was down to her to realise that she shouldn't be with him to which to this day she still hasn't come to that decision.

Our last time together was 3/4 weeks back....the day she told me that she was buying a property with her BF. A few hours after she had told me this were in a hotel room together. Since then she tried to end our 'fling' to which i could only accept and agree with her. Then the following week after she had 'ended it' she was still messaging me and drunk calling me in the early hours to which at this point i told her to stop it. I actually told her to make it work with her BF (through gritted teeth i must admit) and that she needs to learn herself that her relationship with her BF wasn't right and maybe should've ended some time ago.

So as it stands with haven't spoken in nearly 2 weeks, i'm purposely blanking her in work to which is really tough but i'm trying to be cruel to be kind. I can see that she's struggling with it all, i often catch her staring at me or looking into my office when she walks past it etc.

I must admit what i've done is pretty terrible, i do genuinely feel guilty but on the other hand my feeling for this girl are so strong that she's constantly on my mind every hour of the day....to the point where i actually get head aches from it all.

Now like i said the guilt is eating me up massively to the point where i'm thinking that maybe her BF she be told. If i was in his situation and i was about to buy a property with my partner, i would want to know that she'd been playing away for the past 15 months.

Like i say this is the short version, there's lots of other deep stuff i could talk about which had happened between us but this post is long enough.

Long and short, should her BF know about us? Maybe not from me (i mean by knocking on his door) but maybe anonymously or do you think i should leave it be and keep well away from her and her relationship.

I do expect some abuse from this though so please don't hold back as it's well deserved.

Thanks for reading.

offside Mon 02-May-16 12:34:27

What are your motives for telling him? Are you hoping it will end their relationship and she'll come running into your arms? You're a bit too far gone to take the moral high ground in this situation.

IamlovedbyG Mon 02-May-16 12:34:58

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

appleglitter Mon 02-May-16 12:36:29

She had a boyfriend and you still did what you did, that's not ok.
do you want to tell him because you think he should know or because you hope it'll end and she'll be free for you? Honestly.
Horrible situation to be in though.

TheNaze73 Mon 02-May-16 12:38:25

I think there's no benefit in telling him. You'll just look bitter & twisted. Move on with dignity & find someone who's emotionally avaliable

appleglitter Mon 02-May-16 12:40:24

And if they broke up and you did get together then you'll forever be wondering if she'll do the same to you.

offside Mon 02-May-16 12:42:10

As well as what the others have said, she isn't a very good role model for your daughter.

MiddleClassProblem Mon 02-May-16 12:44:58

I think she enjoyed the sneaking around and excitement of it all. I think if they broke up she wouldn't go to you but might have you on the back burner the whole time.

I think telling him, he will eventually find out it was you and could give you a good welly.

Ok, what you both did is horrible. However, it's obvious that you only want to tip off her boyfriend for personal reasons - either to hope they break up and you get her for yourself or to cause problems for her. Lovely.

I've also never understood why anyone would want to be with a cheat. If they can cheat WITH you they are just as likely to cheat ON you..

Stay away from all of it. And please stop saying ' to which'blush

Hissy Mon 02-May-16 12:50:05

So you keep on sniffing around after she picks you up and tosses you down again.

You let this go on for months and demean yourself?

You're being an utter fool.

Look into the future, would this woman be a good step mother?

No. Not in the slightest. She makes plans, goes on holidays, buys houses with her boyf and still sticks her tongue down some blokes throat, or shags him in a hotel in her lunch hour.

And you sit there and lap up the scraps you're thrown.

Where is your self worth?

I'd recommend changing jobs. Shake your life up a bit. Find a better level of people to spend your time with.

Don't tell her boyf. It's not your business. You're not doing it for the right reasons.

SleepingTiger Mon 02-May-16 12:50:49

This woman sounds like hard work and you don't need her in your life.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 02-May-16 12:55:48

How long do you think she'd be faithful to you for?

I'd say three months, and she she'd find someone else to give her the excitement and danger that currently comes from you.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 02-May-16 12:56:38

For the record I do feel sorry for her partner. But if your whole workplace knows, it's going to get back to him sooner or later.

loveyoutothemoon Mon 02-May-16 13:04:49

No don't tell him. Leave her to sort her relationship.

QueenImpatient Mon 02-May-16 13:27:21

Everyone makes mistakes... It was an ongoing one yeah but once you caught the feelings I guess it's hard to back off.

But you did end it & you have stayed away & I think that says a lot.

I don't think he needs to be told. Girls like this will be caught in time. It's karma.

At the end of the day you're better off without her. You'd spend the rest of your life wondering if she could do that to him, will she do it to me. & I truly believe it would just be a matter of time.

MakeLoveNotWar16 Mon 02-May-16 14:20:05

Wow, overwhelming responses here and i do thank you all for your time in replying to me.

This reason i posted on here as because i need advice from outside the bubble i currently find myself in. My feelings towards her have got the better of me so i'm not seeing things as i did when all this was just a bit of fun. You guys don't know either of us so it's good to gets advice from people who have no emotional attachments.

I know i sound like a really nasty person for what i've done but honestly i'm a good guy, stupid or selfish maybe but i do have a good heart. Feelings here have just well and truly got the better of me.

The main reason as to why i want to tell him was because if finds out in a year or 2's time, it will be so much more difficult for him. But not 1 of you have said to tell him so i'll go with your advice and just let them get on with it. I wouldn't be able to trust her if she was my girl, i've told her this many times in the past and this is likely one of main reasons that she doesn't take the chance with me.

Again thanks all, i see things a little different now.

haveacupoftea Mon 02-May-16 14:20:33

It is not a love triangle. Its a sordid affair. If she wanted you she would be with you..leave her and her boyfriend to their lives together.

appleglitter Mon 02-May-16 16:49:10

You knew she had a boyfriend and you still went there, that doesn't make you a good guy, sorry. I feel so sorry for him, I've been in his position, it's not nice thinking everything is ok and then have your world crash down but it's not your place to tell him. Leave them to it. She sounds like a horrible person tbh.

MakeLoveNotWar16 Mon 02-May-16 19:54:53

@appleglitter i'm afraid you don't know me so you can't really judge if i'm a bad person or not just from one mistake i've made. I'm sure every poster above has made mistakes in their lives and this is one of mine. I didn't think to myself at the beginning of all this "Right, i'm going to ruin her BF's life" and like i've said already, i NEVER once told her to leave him for me. Make of that what you will.

Trust me, i've learnt my lesson.

appleglitter Mon 02-May-16 20:00:12

But you still carried on with her long after you knew she had a boyfriend. thats not 'one mistake' that's months of seeing another mans girlfriend.

But don't get me wrong, I think she's a lot worse than you are

MakeLoveNotWar16 Mon 02-May-16 20:03:09

i suppose i can't argue with that.

228agreenend Mon 02-May-16 20:13:23

You're the Other 'Wo-'man in this relationship. If she really wanted to be with you, she would have ditched the bf months ago. Buying a house together is a huge commitment, and that alone should tell,you to stay clear. Your her ' bit on the side' and nothing more,

As someone above has said, find a new job. Definitely LTB. She is not good for,you, and is messing with you. If she has cheated with her bf, she is likely to cheat again.

228agreenend Mon 02-May-16 20:14:04

Also,feel,sorry for the unsuspecting boyfriend, who,is planning a future with this woman.

expatinscotland Mon 02-May-16 20:21:00

Just move on from this. I wouldn't say a dickybird to the boyfriend. That's her lookout. She's a cheat.

MakeLoveNotWar16 Mon 02-May-16 21:21:18

@228agreenend honestly i know she doesn't want to be with me, i understand this and even forced her to stop messaging me so that she gives her BF her all. I know she sounds like a devil woman and i'm not trying to defend what she's done but it was more than just cheap fling, honestly 9 times out of 10 she was the one instigating the messages and at times i'm sure she was genuinely torn between me and him.

All my post was about was asking for advice on about telling him. I now know that this is not a good idea and i'd seriously need my brains testing if i wanted her as my GF.

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