Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Dealing with a serial ghoster

(7 Posts)
misszp Wed 27-Apr-16 15:16:52

I know what ghosting is. I am in the midst of a serial/repeat offender ghoster and I want to know the best way to deal with it! It is a very mediocre situation, but mutual friends between us means I am treading carefully!

Scenario - Lots of texting and couple of dates with a guy. Foolishly labelled him as 'different' because we knew each other through mutual friends and had previous acquaintance level contact, even though my gut was screaming he was not. Made my intentions completely clear that I wouldn't be interested in falling into a casual situation with him of a few dates and sleeping around, he agreed. Did it anyway (I know, please give me a bollocking). Heard from him afterwards 'great time, good getting to know each other, we should meet up again'. Then a few days of nothing (and after texting pretty full on everyday, complete silence is NOT normal for him, especially when I can see he has read my texts).

Dropped him a message a few days later to casually ask how he was and mention potentially meeting again in the future (Not out of desperation, but fuck it, I know my own mind, I would rather ask outright and him say no and leave it there, than to bumble along). His response didn't directly answer the question, so I wished him well and to take care - and I meant it - no hard feelings. He said I was implying the wrong thing, exchanged a few niceties and then silence for a couple of more days.

Shrugged it off - genuinely chalked it up to experience, and thought 'ah well his loss' and that my instinct was right. Go me recognising when to listen to gut, won't make that mistake again!! I actually felt more proud of this and the fact I haven't allowed myself to feel shitty about the situation, after all I put myself in it.

But then I get a random text a couple of days later again about how busy his week has been, and how am I doing. I reply politely, nothing detailed, and ask him how he is.. couple of texts exchanged.. Then silence again....

Shit, now I feel bothered about it as he didn't have to text me again. I gave him an out and left it there and was happy with that! I've no idea why my feathers are ruffled (I know this game and I don't want to play it!!). I know he will contact again. And I want to politely tell him 'thanks, but no thanks', because I know radio silence will not work with him.

I am rubbish at words, can anyone help me construct a text suitable?!

Somerville Wed 27-Apr-16 15:27:15

I'd just block his number but if you really want to reply to his next message then I'd say something like: It's very clear now that we're not looking for the same thing. Nice to meet you and all that but let's leave it there.

But I don't think mutual friends mean you should tread carefully or be politer than you would be in this circumstance with anyone else. My friends wouldn't want to see me messed around - I doubt yours do either.

ALaughAMinute Wed 27-Apr-16 15:39:30

Sorry to say but it sounds like he wants to keep you in the background just in case nothing better comes along. In any case, he's messing you around so I would dump and block.

misszp Wed 27-Apr-16 16:13:18

That's the thing. I clocked straight after our last date what he was playing at, so I have now completely backed off after he failed to follow through on any actions/words, but I know saying nothing will not have any effect on him still trying to contact me on and off. Hence why I wanted to leave it with me being the one to call it quits - then he has no route back in, and I have cleanly cut it off for my own self esteem too! I will try the 'not on the same page, nice to meet you, but let's leave it there' text - thank you smile

Summerlovinf Wed 27-Apr-16 16:14:51

You don't have to 'try' anything. Just ghost him back and move on...life is too short to waste it on people who can't be arsed keeping in touch.

Hissy Wed 27-Apr-16 17:10:28

Oh please, you're an intelligent being, you know this guy's a prick, don't demean yourself by wasting another sms on him.

Block and delete.

RedMapleLeaf Wed 27-Apr-16 17:48:09

I'm not really sure what he's done wrong.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now