I know what ghosting is. I am in the midst of a serial/repeat offender ghoster and I want to know the best way to deal with it! It is a very mediocre situation, but mutual friends between us means I am treading carefully!
Scenario - Lots of texting and couple of dates with a guy. Foolishly labelled him as 'different' because we knew each other through mutual friends and had previous acquaintance level contact, even though my gut was screaming he was not. Made my intentions completely clear that I wouldn't be interested in falling into a casual situation with him of a few dates and sleeping around, he agreed. Did it anyway (I know, please give me a bollocking). Heard from him afterwards 'great time, good getting to know each other, we should meet up again'. Then a few days of nothing (and after texting pretty full on everyday, complete silence is NOT normal for him, especially when I can see he has read my texts).
Dropped him a message a few days later to casually ask how he was and mention potentially meeting again in the future (Not out of desperation, but fuck it, I know my own mind, I would rather ask outright and him say no and leave it there, than to bumble along). His response didn't directly answer the question, so I wished him well and to take care - and I meant it - no hard feelings. He said I was implying the wrong thing, exchanged a few niceties and then silence for a couple of more days.
Shrugged it off - genuinely chalked it up to experience, and thought 'ah well his loss' and that my instinct was right. Go me recognising when to listen to gut, won't make that mistake again!! I actually felt more proud of this and the fact I haven't allowed myself to feel shitty about the situation, after all I put myself in it.
But then I get a random text a couple of days later again about how busy his week has been, and how am I doing. I reply politely, nothing detailed, and ask him how he is.. couple of texts exchanged.. Then silence again....
Shit, now I feel bothered about it as he didn't have to text me again. I gave him an out and left it there and was happy with that! I've no idea why my feathers are ruffled (I know this game and I don't want to play it!!). I know he will contact again. And I want to politely tell him 'thanks, but no thanks', because I know radio silence will not work with him.
I am rubbish at words, can anyone help me construct a text suitable?!
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Relationships
Dealing with a serial ghoster
6 replies
misszp · 27/04/2016 15:16
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