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Snoring is ruining my relationship!(13 Posts)
I didn't know whether to put this in relationship forum or health but here goes. I'm sorry it's long I just don't want to drip feed.
So my OH snores, SO loud and I can't sleep. We don't live together (for reasons I won't go into as this might out me!) but have been together for 5 years now.
We are finally getting to the point where next year we are thinking of buying a house together but the problem is we can't sleep together and it's making me so sad.
I am knackered the next day after he stays over and at the moment we are only staying the night at each others houses on a Saturday evening when I don't have to be up so early the next day.
As a twist, I also
snore like a train make a few noises in the night and this sometimes wakes him up too - he seems to be able to put up with this and roll of back to sleep but I'm led there for ages and ages and it seems the second I fall asleep I'm getting woken up again!
Health wise - I have been seen by ENT department at the hospital, I have had an overnight sleep study, I am definitely not overweight I exercise 5 times a week (running and weight training), run a business, work full time, help OH with his business - I don't stop basically so getting more exercise isn't really the case in my situation.
The ENT and sleep study couldn't find anything wrong and just said it was "one of those strange things" so from my point of view there's no cure...
My OH also runs around like a blue arse fly on a daily basis, works 7 days a week 13/14/15 hours a day with his own business so is fairly fit and healthy but could possibly stand to lose a few pounds but definitely is not overweight.
Neither of us smoke, drink, eat a lot of curries (I've heard that makes snoring worse which is why I've mentioned it!)
I wear earplugs, I've tried various ones on the market - probably spent around £100 trying different ones and none have worked, I am still woken up when wearing them. I am very petite and have small ear canals so when I do wear them my ears get very sore to the point where they are really hurting me right now and I wore them Saturday night last. I have tried earplugs specifically made for smaller ear canals and whilst they don't hurt they don't block anywhere near as much as normal earplugs so mayaswell not be wearing them at all.
Myself and my OH have tried the nasal strips, throat sprays, nose sprays, mouth guards and none have made any difference at all. Doesn't matter if he sleeps on his side/back/front, more pillows, less pillows, nothing is working.
I really don't want to be one of those couples that sleep in separate bedrooms, I miss him enough during the week as it is I hate the thought that we can never be in the same bed :-(
I'm hoping someone will come here and give me a magical cure that I've not tried yet!!
Any suggestions will be greatly received and thank you for reading if you've got this far!!
No magic ideas but some thoughts:
1. This Works Sleep Spray (there are two types one for going to sleep and one for deep sleep) may help in achieving a deep sleep conjunction with ear plugs.
2. Foam earplugs (Boots sell them) which you can roll between your fingers to a thin roll and then insert into ear canal so they expand. I read somewhere that you have to hold them in place for ages while they expand and then they are v. effective. It takes a while as the spongey ness expands slowly.
3.White noise machines near your side of the bed and/or directed to encapsulate you? (never tried myself and no idea if would work but just throwing ideas out.)
4. investigating whether you can get custom made ear plugs sized for you.
5. Self hypnosis courses to get you into a deep state of sleep despite the snoring. If you can self hypnotist to the point you can have an operation without anaesthetic (google practitioners that specialise in this) you should be able to condition yourself to go to sleep in a noisy/snoring environment.
It sounds like you've gone to a lot of effort to resolve your own snoring. It's odd they didn't find anything. Has he had a sleep study or seen a doctor ?
Well this was one of the factors why my previous relationship broke down so I tried to do everything I could to get rid of the problem and now it seems I'm having a taste of my own medicine!!
He has seen a doctor but it seems where I live they tend to focus on "lose lots of weight and come back when you're thinner" attitude but as they couldn't say that to me I actually got referred. He's hasn't had a sleep study though as he has never been referred for one.
I've just been reading some stuff online and my OH has a thick neck so I'm wondering if this might be a lot to do with it.
I sympathise, it is not a light hearted issue. One of the main reasons its come to me and dh separating. I couldn't sleep, he gets stroppy because I get up, so makes me stroppy. No spare room but converting our utility room though he sees it as major rejection that I don't want to share a bed. He has had a sleep study and getting a cpap machine in may but I know he's dreading it and resents me for making him do it.
Your OH needs to get a sleep study. The evidence with OSA is that due to hormone changes (esp Leptin levels) it is really, really hard to lose weight while it is untreated so CPAP should always be started first and then try to slim.
Download a snoring app to record him, then go with him to the GP and discuss the impact it is having on both of you
Not much advice to give but lots of sympathy as I have the same issues with DH, although since he has lost some weight it does seem to be getting better.
Have you tried wax ear plugs? I find them a lot more comfy and block more noise out, they are more expensive but worth it if they work.
Have made to measure earplugs done as I did (Ultimate Ear, in Orpington Kent. They have a great website and are helpful if you call them). Even so, if DH has a cold then the earplugs aren't enough so you could come to peace with having separate rooms. Better that than end an otherwise good relationship.
Thanks all for your suggestions! I don't know if its OSA, my dad has this and my OH doesn't display any of the same symptoms, he doesn't stop breathing at night (trust me I'm awake long enough to tell lol!), he doesn't get tired during the day only unless I've woken him up either by my snoring or from kicking him!
I did try wax earplugs but I don't know if other makes are different but the ones I tried aren't to be put inside the ear canal but rather outside to block it off and they kept falling out in the night.
What CMOTDibbler said sounds an excellent idea. If he has OSA it is very important to sort that out, especially as it would be dangerous for him.
Then losing weight, for him. Not drinking wine (you said you do not drink anyway).
Aside from all the strictly medical suggestions, I can suggest a "snore ring". I bought one from Boots for my husband.
You need to follow the instructions as to how to wear it. It works on an acupressure principle by pressing on a certain part of the finger.
It makes a considerable difference.
I have also learned to tune out to some degree.
I hope you find a solution.
My sympathies: I was tortured by my husband's snoring for years before he was referred by his GP and shown to have sleep-apnea. They gave him a machine to help his breathing, which isn't very elegant (I jokingly call him Darth V now) but it does stop the snoring. It makes a smooth, regular and comparatively quiet humming noise, but that's easier to block out than the metal-trunk-dragged-across-concrete snoring. Try looking up "sleep-apnea machines". If you get one and you/he don't like it, you'd probably be able to return it. Hope this helps!
My DH's snoring also gradually turned into sleep apnoea which has been cured by a CPAP machine (DV also referred to here ;)) - agree that a medical investigation of him might be worth it - it has made a massive improvement to both our lives since my DH was issued with his.
You have a mould made a a place local to you and then send them off to a company to be made. They send you the earplugs and your mounds for future use. The earplug fits in the ear canal and the outer. It's made of a squishy rubbery latexy type stuff (technical I know!)
Search for details on the Internet. I've not had one fall out except when I didn't put it in properly on first use as I didn't like the vacuum feel to the seal it made. I found it best to wear for short spells first and the build to overnight.
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