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Dealing with rage at ex

(28 Posts)
Hubnut Sun 24-Apr-16 14:23:19

I kicked him out last week after discovering emails to other woman. He's moved in with her. I'm at home with baby. I'm so full of rage. I've sent shitty texts to both of them. Felt better when doing it, feel rage sitting here alone.

How the fuck do I deal with this? There's only so many times I can phone friends to vent.

TheNaze73 Sun 24-Apr-16 15:45:17

Sending texts to them of a bad nature, will not do you any good. They don't care what you think & it'll only wind you up more. Time is the healer here, there's no magic wand sadly. Good luck

tomatoplantproject Sun 24-Apr-16 16:09:24

Vent on here. There are many of us who have been there. I ranted and raged for months whilst these lovely patient people of mumsnet listened.

Anger can be energising and if that is you then use it fuel doing what you need to do (sort finances, housing, seeing a solicitor etc).

Go to yoga. Meditate. Go for a run. Walk through nature. Hug your baby. Eat. Sleep. Receive any help with gratitude and recognise the good that is out there in the world.

emilybrontescorset Sun 24-Apr-16 16:16:29

Yes vent on here.
You have ever right to be angry.
Also agree with tomato about the exercise and fresh air.
In time your rage will soften but it does take time.

ConkersDontScareSpiders Sun 24-Apr-16 17:40:58

I hear you.
The received wisdom is that it will pass-not sure when though-wish I was sad

BolshierAryaStark Sun 24-Apr-16 17:45:12

Console yourself with the fact she now has a lying cheating fuckwit, & you don't.

whimsical1975 Sun 24-Apr-16 19:16:12

I'm really sorry you're in this position, OP, but for your own good please don't text them again. You need to maintain a stony silence. By texting them with angry messages all you're going to do is make your f*ckwit ex think he's made the right decision whilst at the same time giving them both something to talk about.

Do not engage with them at all!!!!! I'm assuming he is the father of your baby - let him contact you in that regard if he can be bothered.

With that said, please take some comfort in these two things:

- he WILL do the same to the OW... whether it's in one week or 10 years she will know what this feels like.
- it may not help you feel better right now but your life can only be so much richer now that he's p*ssed off!!! You and your baby deserve so much more...

Being left "holding the baby" is not easy but you can do this!!!! It takes some serious strength of character to step up to the plate when you're feeling so let down, angry and exhausted... but remember that your child will be an adult one day and will know what a great mother you are!

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 24-Apr-16 19:29:34

This is all very new and horribly raw. You are entitled to feel enraged. You have been treated appallingly. Chucking him out showed that you are not weak and that you are not to be messed with. This is a Very Good Thing.

Congratulations! You have just rid yourself of twelve stone of useless and ugly dead weight. The other poster who said that this woman will get the same treatment was right. In the wee small hours, one day, she will be wondering when it's going to be her turn.

Meanwhile, every day that passes will be one day further from where you are now, and one day closer to not giving a shit.

One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. You are not alone. You can do this.

jillyarmeen16 Sun 24-Apr-16 21:35:02

Sorry you're going through this. It really is shit. I was where you are 4 months ago, no baby but we were engaged. I also sent shitty messages to them and others. I was raging devestated and broken . I didn't think I would ever get over the betrayal and humiliation. It really was the worst experience of my life.
Then I thought fuck them. I don't want a lying cheat near me. She knew about me. She wil get what she deserves. It still hurts but I feel better every day. That cliché that you really don't want to hear and won't believe is the truth. Time is the greatest healer. Be kind to yourself, you are right to be angry and Hurt. That's normal x

Hubnut Sun 24-Apr-16 21:36:21

Yes! Feeling better thanks everyone. Will reinstate dignity and focus on me and my baby from now on.

bolshier gets a special mention for actually making me laugh.

flamingnoravera Sun 24-Apr-16 22:38:39

What a tosser, he is a shit. Don't give him the pleasure of thinking he has two women battling for him.

Maintain a dignified and icy silence. Be cold, calm and efficient in any dealings with him, then come here and vent out all the anger you've had to choke back to do that. We know he's a shit.

Keep on keeping on, one hour at a time. You will come out of this stronger, he won't. We are here for you.

springydaffs Mon 25-Apr-16 00:01:14

I don't agree that initially sending incandescent texts/comms is a bad idea - it was a good idea for you at the time and that, imo, is the important thing. You are the important one here.

Just don't send any more if you can help it though a few may dribble out

pps are so right: she's got the booby prize. That's her perfect punishment.

Kirk123 Mon 25-Apr-16 00:20:23

I did the same , so out of character for me , the angry and emotional roller coaster was hell , take care my Luce,y , keep venting with us ❤️

Kirk123 Mon 25-Apr-16 00:20:53

Lol my lovely

Hubnut Sat 14-May-16 22:27:03

Permission to vent. I feel so bloody achingly lonely tonight. It's Saturday. Baby is in bed. I've browsed every single item of clothing on Debenhams. I've tidied. Then I've read the emails that he sent to her - the ones where he calls her his soulmate, the ones he wrote while sat beside me as I was looking after our son.

I spend my day checking my phone to see if he's been in touch. When he's due to come and visit baby I keep thinking I've heard his car and look out the window. I hate him and cannot forgive what he has done - but I miss him so much. I think about how to get revenge, about telling everyone what a shit he is - but I know that wont help.

His sister has unfriended me on Facebook, wonder what story she has heard, I dont understand that, i haven't been bad mouthing him there - dont know why it matters but it just makes me feel shitter. Wonder how many other people will slip out of my life because of this.

Lonecatwithkitten Sat 14-May-16 22:55:49

I had a journal that I wrote it all down every day for 5 months. It really helped. Suddenly one day after 5 months I no longer had the burning anger. I still feel angry sometimes, but not in the same awful way.
No one else knows about my journal apart from you lot now.

Zumbarunswim Sat 14-May-16 23:38:09

This too will pass, it'll just take time. I'm sitting with a sick 2 yr old watching my call the midwife box set, there is a jug of sick next to me but the pain of splitting from my sons father has defo faded loads and I am happy and don't feel that horrible sad lonliness any more. Sod him and his sister, it's hard to not care about what she has heard but he is a cheat, ow will never be able to feel secure and will always have to check up on him. Try and fill your life with good people and stuff to lift you up. flowers it does get better. I used to shake I was so angry but I can now see that he is the fool who will never be happy. I have the chance to meet someone decent.

SandyY2K Sun 15-May-16 01:13:54

Sorry about your situation OP. The OW got a lying cheat that you kicked out ... what a prize. Affairs are fantasy and now that the lying and hiding is over .... they'll see each other in the true light of day.

They get a high being in affair which isn't sustainable long term. She got him by default.

Cheaters don't get exposed enough what they do. There are numerous cheater websites to put their names on. When their name is googled it comes upsmile

Do you still have the emails you saw from him to the OW? If you do perhaps his sister would want to know what her brother did. Maybe his whole family would like to see what a sleaze he is.

If my brother did that I'd contact the betrayed partner and apologise for his shi**y behaviour.

- Set strict visitation for him to see the little one

- Don't discuss anything not related to the baby or necessary domestic matters.

- Don't let him see you looking sad

-if you can leave him with the baby and get out .. even for a couple of hours...please do so. And trog up to the nines when you do ... even if it's to go window shopping.

You need a break from the baby.

tomatoplantproject Sun 15-May-16 09:31:29

Its such a tough time but you will get through it.

I think one of the tough things is that the person you always turned to isn't there any more, and that you're having to deal with the most impossible emotions yourself, and on your own.

Having a little one is hard too.

Its probably a blessing in disguise you aren't facebook friends with her any longer. I kept telling his family what he had done to me (when he was not being honest to them) and even though they believed me they still ultimately are on his side.

It helps to surround yourself with your team and not attempt to turn those who will always be loyal to him.

Hubnut Sun 15-May-16 18:33:45

Thanks for the hand holding and excellent advice. Last night was shit but I went out with friends today and talked, laughed, enjoyed the sun, feeling loads more positive.

Hope little one is better zumba

Zumbarunswim Sun 15-May-16 19:10:38

Thanks, yes he is, was just trying to say there's plenty of happiness and to be happy with a jug of sick next to you on a Saturday night is splendid 😂

Zumbarunswim Sun 15-May-16 19:10:51

You'll get there too, just takes time

Kirk123 Sun 15-May-16 23:21:01

Hi I am 50 today and single ! It's taken me 14 months of grieving to get through the emotions , I promise you time does help , however grieve cry and one day you will wake up and feel stronger , I did a journal too for about first four months , it helped ❤️❤️

hellsbellsmelons Mon 16-May-16 12:00:14

You are allowed to tell everyone and anyone who will listen what happened.
Get your story out there.

It's a crappy time but you are getting RL support which is great.
Family and friends got me through a horrible time.
Yours will too.

Remember to eat and keep yourself hydrated.
flowers for you.

Ponderinglife Mon 16-May-16 12:19:21

I know exactly how you feel: did the same at the weekend after cunt h finally left on Thursday.

He's due any minute to "sort out the situation with the children" birth of whom want nothing to do with him. Long story.

Will nick some of your advice and do my very best not to act like a fury, despite the inevitable provocation.

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