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Do I reply to this text or ignore it and retain my dignity?

(18 Posts)
Foodefafa Tue 19-Apr-16 11:45:19

I posted fairly recently about finding out that my very recent ex and someone who was a relatively recent but promising friend (I don't have many) who I had confided in about the awful breakup, were in some sort of flirtatious contact. I have also been dropped from the school mums nights outs with her and her group.

He has been adamant that, despite the messages, nothing has happened and she has just text me explaining how their meeting for a drink last week (I found this out accidentally) was totally innocent and how she knew it looked suspicious but it definitely wasn't and asking me to go out with her sometimes.

I want to tell her to go fuck herself.

But I am going to ignore and delete. That's the right thing to do isn't it?

For context, I know many will think I have no 'right' to feel upset but ex and I have been getting on great and spending lots of time together and I was even very tentatively thinking about the possibility of us working out our issues and he had said a few things that suggested he felt the same. I feel betrayed by both of them, ex-DP moreso as he knows how much I struggle with friendships and he has helped fuck this one up for me.

Right now I'm basically in a cycle of making myself look like a well-dressed confident badass on the school-run in case she sees me and spending the rest of the day depressed and crying blush sad

Should I reply or leave it?

TheNaze73 Tue 19-Apr-16 12:32:00

I'd ignore it, anything else will make you look weak & ridiculous. There are no circumstances, under what she did is right. Retain the moral high ground, walk away from her in a dignified manor & move on. The reality is, he's going to see women but, no friend would ever do that

IronNeonClasp Tue 19-Apr-16 12:54:06

WTS ^^

Foodefafa Wed 20-Apr-16 07:19:47

Thanks both.

I haven't replied and will not. Ex has been messaging about their innocence. I've ignored him too.

Going to stop spending time with him, have told him I will only speak to him about arrangements for the children and nothing else. I need to work on myself and finding some genuine friends.

This is hard sad

AnthonyPandy Wed 20-Apr-16 07:24:58

It's hard but losing your dignity is harder. Delete and ignore.

Foodefafa Thu 21-Apr-16 17:38:07

Too right Anthony.

Have ignored. Haven't bumped into her on the school run either which is good (although kind of a shame as I've made sure I looked really good grin).

Ex thinks I'm an "asshole" for not talking to him about anything but arrangements for the kids. So basically he wants to hang out with me, send me messages and emails all day, watch telly, eat together and then go off chasing people I thought were my friends. Errr, no.

He was meant to be coming on holiday with me and the DC in June but I've told him he isn't. I need to get used to being a single parent and that isn't going to happen if we continue doing everything together.

diamond457 Thu 21-Apr-16 23:00:46

Your a strong woman. Well done. That's how it should be .

Dignified and showing your better than them.

tipsytrifle Thu 21-Apr-16 23:14:57

You're doing precisely the right thing by separating yourself out from this complex shittiness. It's just all full of head-messing potential. You need to be you; I think drawing new boundaries feels like you being you. Yes to drawing a line at holidays and whatever elses with ex. He's an ex. Yes to not getting into drama with whoever else may or may not being innocent about stuff.

You're spot-on with knowing that you need to get on with being a single parent. It's wonderful that he's amicable and all, that he'll be doing the right stuff by his dc. But this is YOUR life now and you are not his wife any more. It's all your own free will choice now as far as anything beyond dc matters goes.

amarmai Fri 22-Apr-16 03:59:30

he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Put yourself and dcc first and anyone else is last.

BitOutOfPractice Fri 22-Apr-16 04:21:16

The best answer is no answer. It will annoy them far more than any scathing retort you can think of

You poor thing. It sounds really tough. You're doing the right thing though thanks

KoalaDownUnder Fri 22-Apr-16 04:51:46

This man is the father of your children?! Fuck. Her.

Keeo ignoring. You rock. flowerscakewine

Ilovetorrentialrain Fri 22-Apr-16 08:36:29

Totally ignore her. Do you feel now it's definitely completely over with ex?

KittensandKnitting Fri 22-Apr-16 08:49:27

So she's messaged you about it being innocent, and he has messaged you about it being innocent..

Me thinks they doth protest too much...

Your being a wise lady and "keeping it business" with him and "keeping it bad arse" on the school run.

He's your ex for a reason. I had one who after a while decided wanted to be my "friend" he just wanted someone to text when he was lonely etc.

Keep it civil for the sake of your children but he will wear you down if you let him be your "friend" and stop you moving on if you have anything to do with him other than keeping it about arrangements.

Guiltypleasures001 Fri 22-Apr-16 08:50:55

Looks like it's a ready meal for one then, no wonder he called you an ahole no home cooking and his feet still under table wink

NFmama Fri 22-Apr-16 08:55:20

My ex and I spend too much time together too but he won't commit to working stuff out. I don't even think I believe we should work it out because our relationship left me a wreck! Anyway, I'm pleased you won't dignify their stupid texts with a reply. I'm hoping to distract myself from it all on mumsnet!

Foodefafa Sat 23-Apr-16 13:11:59

Sort of update: saw her yesterday at school pickup. She tried to approach me with her stupid, smug, head tilty, half smile face. I gave her my best glare and kept walking. Took about 2 hours for my heart rate to slow down.

Ex still thinks I'm being completely unreasonable. He says he's sorry for trampling over this friendship of mine then in the next message that they have done nothing wrong and I should be friends with her confused As if. I may not be overburdened with friends at the minute but I am certainly not that desperate. I'm keeping contact with him to the absolute bare minimum.

It's my weekend with the DC and we're having a lovely relaxing time. Will go out somewhere nice tomorrow. Need to keep showing myself that we're fine without him.

LadyMonicaBaddingham Sat 23-Apr-16 13:18:15

You're more than 'fine' without him; you're better off. By the sounds of it, you fucking RULE! Keep ignoring them, good for you bet it's driving them crazy that you don't care smile

aginghippy Sat 23-Apr-16 13:22:14

It doesn't matter if he thinks you are being unreasonable. Your ex doesn't get a vote about who your friends are.

Enjoy your weekend with the DC.

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