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Throwing inanimate objects/fears he'll get custody of ds

(5 Posts)
strangerjo Tue 19-Apr-16 11:39:06

I have a 7wk old baby. During the pregnancy my husband and I had a few terrible arguments - in one he threw a pillow at me. On the weekend we had another heated argument and this time he threw something (not sure what but it was soft so probably a blanket) against my back as I walked away. I was holding ds at the time. Hardly violent crimes of the century but because it was when my back was turned and I couldn't see what he was doing, it scared me for a moment.

He loves ds and has been brilliant with him. I have had pnd and I've been moody and difficult. I've struggled physically and emotionally with the pregnancy and since, and I have struggled to bond with ds. I have sought help to address this. My husband has a lot of stress: he's working from home, and helping with ds and getting up at night to feed ds and doing household stuff. I know he sees me as an additional burden.

After our last argument he told me he isn't going to live like this anymore - i.e. arguing. But he didn't want to talk about it and went to bed and ignored me most of yesterday. We're on speaking terms now but walking on eggshells. He has previously suggested I stay with my mum until I am over the pnd, and leave him and dh. He knows I cannot really do that since it's not near his flat and my mum doesn't have a room for me to stay in anyway.

I'm worried that I'm trapped in a situation where I either stay where I am and keep quiet or I leave. If I leave I have nowhere to stay and won't have ds with me. If the marriage breaks down, I'm scared dh will try for sole custody because he adores ds, and that he might get it because he's been a good dad, has an income and flat; whereas I have had depression and poor mental health in the past, and I don't have a job or place to live. I'm scared I'll lose my son.

Sorry for the rambling post but if anyone has any advice, I'd be grateful x

IronNeonClasp Tue 19-Apr-16 19:55:43

Just bumping this for you. No advice I'm afraid thanksthanks

springydaffs Tue 19-Apr-16 21:51:32

I'm sorry you're having a rough time op flowers

The flat is half yours, ditto his income (or thereabouts) should you split. You are married, yes?

Would you feel up to talking to your HV and telling her what is going on at home? Is she any good?

I'd also give Women's Aid a call 0808 2000 247 - though it's better to call at night (7pm-7am) as lines are busy during the day. Or try here for your local Women's Aid service. They should be able to give you some good and appropriate advice and support.

Thinking of you.

springydaffs Tue 19-Apr-16 21:57:44

And don't forget to cover your tracks online

I don't know if he is or isn't an abuser, op, but, although WA are specialists in domestic abuse, they also give support and advice to women in need. What stood out to me in your post was 'I know he sees me as an additional burden'. I don't know if that's the PND talking or if that is what is actually going on - if so, how could the woman who brought his child into the world be 'an additional burden'? sad

What is he like with you generally. You say he's a 'good dad' but is he a good husband?

strangerjo Tue 19-Apr-16 23:24:53

Thank you everyone.
Springydaffs- well, I fell pregnant two months after meeting him. We've been married for three months. He is great in many ways but not very emotionally intelligent or empathetic. That said, I know I am very difficult to deal with when depressed. I know he is trying his best. We just have a lot of communication issues.

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