Me and dh have been together 10 years, married 3. Dd is almost 2.5.
Im from the south and he's from the north and we met during uni in his home city.
He was my first partner and when uni finished I lacked the self confidence and belief to return home under the impression that he would follow.
I convinced myself that he wouldn't come with me so stayed up north. Shortly after all my friends left and I became isolated and low. I went through a period of depression which I have been free from for about 7 years.
The past few years have been hard. He struggled being a parent and has only really recently become confident being a dad. I havent helped and have been critical when I shouldn't be, but he gets frustrated easily and can be quite short with dd (will sometimes tell her to shutup)
He had a time consuming job so I felt alone looking after dd yet he always made sure he had time to go out once a week with friends.
Then last year I almost left him after an emotional affair (on his part). In hindsight I should have been stronger at the time and made him move out to enforce what he had done to me and the family and then it would've been on him to prove himself instead of me being so forgiving.
Then he lost his job and has been out of work since. It's felt like he hasn't really tried to get out of this rut we are in. I get its hard but there is a family to provide for and at the moment I am the one doing all the budgeting to keep us afloat on one salary.
From my perspective it feels like for almost the entirety of our relationship I've always been the one to "give" on the big things. I severely miss my family and just want us to be near them and he knows I feel this way. I wish I could turn back time and get him to have moved years ago but now it seems hopeless.
His parents are pretty unsupportive in the way we would like and mine are the complete opposite. I wish dd could see them more and play with her cousins who are also close to my parents. I feel so far away.
I feel likes everything in my head is annoyed that we live where we do. Close to his friends so he can have a small social life, close to his family. Yes I know it's much cheaper where we currently live but why is it me who is living where I don't want? Especially after what he did to me last year.
The more I think about it the more I think I resent him. Does he not love me enough to make the sacrifice to move?
Am I being stupid? Should I be sucking it up?
I am trying to improve my life in other ways by training to have a new career but he is the one out of work yet I am again the one putting in the extra effort to make life better, not him.
All the little things are getting on my nerves and I snap, but I can't see myself without him, dd loves him to bits and I see he loves her too. I don't want my marriage to end. I just want to move or find a way past this.
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Relationships
How to get past resentment
7 replies
Stressbot3000 · 17/04/2016 14:33
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