I've been with my (now ex) boyfriend for 2 years. When we met it was amazing as it always is, and he treated me like I was the best thing to ever happen to him.
As time went on he got a job offer about 3 hours away, and made the decision to move without even mentioning it, but I still ended up dropping my entire life to move there to be with him.
Since moving I've found it very tough to adjust, I developed horrendous anxiety and panic attacks with absolutely no support from him. He's not very good with emotions. So I took it upon myself to sort it out on my own, again with no support. He never wanted to introduce me to people to make me feel more at home, which upset me, and led him to come to the conclusion that I 'don't let him go out' which isn't true.
It caused us a lot of trouble because he couldn't 'cope' with how I was. I ended up feeling very isolated and extremely lonely. Which in hindsight made me quite clingy, considering he's the only person I had.
Throughout the relationship he's smoked a lot of weed, and he's gradually become more and more depressed and distant from me. He lost his sex drive pretty much completely, and didn't put much effort into being my boyfriend, despite my efforts to make him as happy as I possibly could. I can say when I've done wrong with no problems, and I can hand on heart say the only thing I did that might have been an issue was grow more insecure and jealous as he showed me less and less interest.
He would never see how the way he was acting was causing this and making it worse. And it got to a point where he ended it a few times, but then very quickly wanted me back. What he didn't realise is how being picked up and dropped constantly only made me feel less loved by him deep down.
On another occasion at his Dad's wedding he got completely out of his mind drunk and spent at least an hour laying into me about how I'm 'socially inept', how my anxiety is pathetic, how I don't know how to be around people, and every insult under the sun. Failing to realise how for the whole wedding he walked around without me and didn't introduce me to a single person. Which I wouldn't think is much to ask of at a wedding with at least 100 people who I'd never met. The night ended with him going completely mental in the bathroom smashing his head on the wall and he then quite violently pulled me out of the room by my hair. He didnt remember any of it, and stupidly I just let it slide.
I've been in denial of the fact that he hasn't made the effort with me that I have with him. And has actually treated me quite badly. Just under 2 weeks ago, he ended it again. We were meant to be moving back home together next week to 'make it work' and now he's dropped me again, but this time it really is over.
This evening he basically did a repeat of the wedding, but on a much higher, more vile scale. Since he dumped me he hasn't moved out, and I've obviously been crying my eyes out and lying on the sofa between forcing myself to go to work, just like most people do when they're dumped. The whole time he's been getting angry at me when I try and talk to him, which leads to an arguement.
The thing is he turns everything I say or do into a problem, and has left me feeling like I've been the worst girlfriend in the world, as if he can't wait to 'escape' me and how everyone thinks I'm a 'psycho' which is really nasty to say the least. I've dropped everything for him and spent 2 years of my life doing everything for him so he doesn't have to.
I even feel crazy writing this because he's got me so wrapped around his finger. I guess I just need some advice on how to get myself back. I've been in a physically abusive relationship before (again for 2 years) and I swore I would never let someone treat me badly again, but although he wasn't violent apart from that one occasion, I can see now that it has been emotionally abusive.
He's leaving on Monday, and he's told me how his whole family think I'm crazy, and it just gets to me that I can be treated like this and no one ever hears my side.
I have absolutely no confidence left, I want my life back, and I want to get over him because for some reason I still love him and wish it worked.
I don't know why I'm writing this all out I'm just not coping with this at all and I need some reassurance that Im not 'crazy' and that his behaviour wasnt justified. I feel completely lost and could do with talking to people who have maybe come out of the other side of a seemingly hopeless situation, because having already been there and not learnt, I guess I need a little more help
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I really need some help (long I'm sorry)
Sashanicole01 · 03/04/2016 00:31
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