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What would you do?

(25 Posts)
WhatsTheRightThing Tue 29-Mar-16 21:17:12

A few years ago, through various circumstances, my parents gifted me a property they owned abroad. Property gone down by at least 50%.

I recently lost DH. One of my sisters was supportive at the beginning of the grieving process, but each time she came to stay she got drunk and stormed off. I cooked for her every night, in spite of my body barely able to move. The last time she left was because I was trying to find some sage to cleanse DH's urn, before I put his ashes into it, and she was trying to start a row, niggling in my ear, so I just took myself up to my bedroom and switched the tv on for her.

My other sibling has had little to do with me. In a telephone conversation, she said we should split the amount of the property abroad between the 3 of us.

As well as grieving for DH, I have had to deal with estate agents who are abroad, sort the Title Deeds out etc., pay money for these services.

Should I split the proceeds of the sale of the property between the 3 of us, considering I put all the legwork in, whilst going through the shittest time of my life?

HoppingForward Tue 29-Mar-16 21:25:39

I. Very sorry for your loss flowers why do you need to sell the property gifted by your parents now?

I'm a cold hearted bitch so, no. I wouldn't share any profit and would use it for therapy and making my life calmer and nicer/financially stable.

RealityCheque Tue 29-Mar-16 21:26:31

Not enough info.

Why was it gifted only to you? Was there a understanding it was to be shared? Are your parents still alive?

EssentialHummus Tue 29-Mar-16 21:27:53

Very simply, did your parents gift you the property for you, or with the aim that you'd share it with your siblings? What did they say at the time?

WhatsTheRightThing Tue 29-Mar-16 21:30:45

Hopping, thanks for replying.

It's not a place I'd want to holiday at, and impossible to rent out as a holiday home. With everything else going on, I wouldn't want the added hassle of renting out a property abroad long-term either. I just want it off my hands.

ImperialBlether Tue 29-Mar-16 21:31:05

I'm really sorry you lost your husband. It must be an awful time for you. The golden rule in that situation is not to do anything... don't make any decision at all.

Having said that, I can't think of one reason why I'd be sharing the value of a property with someone who rarely spoke to me.

Scarydinosaurs Tue 29-Mar-16 21:31:07

Your parents may have wanted to do something nice, but in actual fact have stitched you up in the sense that your siblings have now made your life difficult when you need support the most.

Sell it and keep the profits, any questions and direct your siblings to your parents.

WhatsTheRightThing Tue 29-Mar-16 21:38:52

Essential, they gifted it to me. They even told me not to tell my siblings, (I did tell them, don't like underhand favouritism crap). My father had become ill, and my mother wouldn't have a clue how to sell a property abroad. They favoured me because DH would have been Titled had he lived, which made them assume he was rich (he wasn't). I suppose they were trying to impress his family.

WhatsTheRightThing Tue 29-Mar-16 21:46:31

Thank you Imperial.

I've kind of been thinking that myself.

My siblings own several properties between them, I live in a (lovely) little 2 up 2 down.

They couldn't even be arsed to thank me me for gifts I sent them recently, I had to ask if they received them. Maybe I have really bad taste in gifts.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Tue 29-Mar-16 21:47:16

It does seem a bit shitty that you got a property and your siblings didn't.

EssentialHummus Tue 29-Mar-16 21:51:43

I agree with imperial actually - for now, leave that property to one side. You've lost your DH, which is enough to process. If asked by siblings, just deflect. When you're ready, you can explain that it was gifted to you only. See a lawyer for an opinion if you want clarity on the property being yours.

esiotrot2015 Tue 29-Mar-16 21:52:13

It sounds shitty behaviour of your parents
They're reason is appalling
I'd gone your sisters a third each
It's the right thing to do regardless of how much they've not helped you , that's not the issue here
Give them the money & then leave them to it , no meals etc helping them out

Cabrinha Tue 29-Mar-16 21:52:16

I think that the morally decent thing to do is to sell, deduct a reasonable but hefty "fee" for your professional services and then split it 3 ways.
It's not your fault or responsibility that your parents did this, but it's really out of order IMO and it would be good if you righted that wrong. It would have been nice if you'd told them in the first place you didn't want to be a party to their shit - but honestly I doubt I'd have managed that!
It could be more complicated if your siblings have been favoured financially in the past, but if not - definitely split it.

I'm sorry for your loss flowers

WhatsTheRightThing Tue 29-Mar-16 21:55:54

I should have said, my parents have bought both siblings a property each. I bought my own, half and and with DH.

WhatsTheRightThing Tue 29-Mar-16 21:59:42

half and half with DH

WhatsTheRightThing Tue 29-Mar-16 22:03:53

Not leaving thread, just going to concentrate on eating.

Thank you all for your feedback.

RaspberryOverload Tue 29-Mar-16 22:03:57

As your parents also bought properties for your siblings, I'd say don't bother sharing the proceeds, keep it all.

Cabrinha Tue 29-Mar-16 22:18:50

Well, that's kind of relevant smile

AyeAmarok Tue 29-Mar-16 22:20:02

So they bought your sisters a property each and not you.

Then gave you this one (meaning you're all square, the 3 of you have been given one each).

But they want to keep their one, but have you split your one, so they get 1.333 properties each, and you get 0.3333 property?

Eh, no. Ignore them.

Sorry about your loss.

DoreenLethal Tue 29-Mar-16 22:22:20

I think you need to put the money somewhere safe and leave it there. If they have already bought your siblings properties then what is there to argue about?

Sorry for your loss.

Nodowntime Tue 29-Mar-16 22:27:48

If your siblings ask again about getting one third of that property, say fine, let's sell all three the parents bought, then split the proceedings into three equal shares.

Why did you call it underhand favouritism if they bought your sisters a property each?

Your sister who visited and got drunk might have subconsciously reasoned she was doing you a favour distracting you from your grief?
In any case, if you don't want to deal with her, just tell her not to come, better than having to look after her resentfully. Unless it was better than having no company.

Nodowntime Tue 29-Mar-16 22:29:43

Or were you the first to be gifted a property, so at the time it WAS favouritism? In any case, now they are no more entitled to it than you are to theirs.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 29-Mar-16 22:33:47

You were each given a property. That is fair. They have no rights on yours.

Your siblings sound like a bunch of bullies. Perhaps you should avoid them for a while. A long while.

Creampastry Wed 30-Mar-16 07:58:40

Do not give your sisters anything.

WhatsTheRightThing Thu 31-Mar-16 18:46:55

Siblings and I have never been close. When we make attempts at becoming close, our mother drives a wedge, like she feels threatened if we all get along.

When I asked why were we all not being put on the Title Deeds, I was told they (my siblings) weren't interested. If I could turn back time, I wouldn't have accepted the property, I even asked to sign it back over to my parents. Basically, my mother wanted a holiday home, but put the responsibility into someone (my) else's hands. I was told that she only wanted DH and I staying there, and a MASSIVE list of do's and dont's. Nothing useful mind, just stuff about cleaning, and how much washing powder to use. confused

She had promised the sale of their car out there to some lovely people who kept an eye on the place whilst they were in UK. She found somebody who could get her a better price (fair enough) but failed to tell the original buyers. Christ on a bike it was embarrassing when they turned up to collect the log book and DH and I had to explain she'd sold it to someone else. Especially as they were driving us to the airport. Twas a frosty journey, to say the least.

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