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Am I in the wrong?

(18 Posts)
libertysilk Mon 28-Mar-16 10:54:09

Been dating a guy I met online since last December. Still a new relationship, and we're getting to know one another. He lives about an hour and a half drive away from me. So, we get to see one another maybe one every week or fortnightly. We text every day, and chat on the phone.
Worked out we've seen one another 4 times. It's frustrating for me, and he says he adores me. But, as I have a toddler, and no family close by, it's difficult getting babysitters. Am I being unreasonable thinking he should be coming up to me more than me him. He's been to my place twice, which I'm happy with. Don't have to worry about getting a sitter as lo sleeping, and we get to spend time together.
He said yesterday that he feels I should be making more effort to come down to him. I'm so confused.
He works until 7pm weekdays and on Saturday until 4. He's a dj, so works most weekends. We've not seen one another for 4 weeks.
We get along, and enjoy spending time together, but I wonder if the relationship has staying power?

Onecallaway Mon 28-Mar-16 10:57:22

If you've only seen each other four times in several months, I personally wouldn't bother. I know you say you text and call but is that what you want?

I think he should be more understanding re your child. He should be fitting in around you or it won't work.

libertysilk Mon 28-Mar-16 13:01:44

Thank you onecallaway I also agree he should be making more effort as I have a small child.
I tried calling his bluff yesterday, and said there was a possibility of me maybe moving closer to where he lived. He said he'd need to get to know me more before I did. Then, he said he would love the idea of me living closer. I'm utterly confused??

FrogFairy Mon 28-Mar-16 14:02:44

Sadly the distance and your differing lifestyles will make a relationship difficult.

If it were me I would move on. Sorry.

nomorechocolate2016 Mon 28-Mar-16 15:44:25

Omg, don't offer to move to be nearer him! You barely know him.

Nanny0gg Mon 28-Mar-16 16:16:46

He likes the idea, not the actuality.

He's not the right one.

Bree85 Mon 28-Mar-16 16:35:33

He wants you to do the effort, not worth it. I agree that he should be more understanding and make most of the effort since he is the man and has no children.

HeddaGarbled Mon 28-Mar-16 16:49:39

If someone I'd met 4 times told me they were thinking of moving closer to me, I'd think they were worryingly stalkerish.

I don't think this relationship has legs. I'd call it a day and find someone whose life, job and location make meeting up more often feasible plus who is keener to see me more frequently.

libertysilk Mon 28-Mar-16 19:14:09

Calling his bluff and suggesting moving made me sound like a stalker??? I wanted to see his reaction. Didn't consider it for one minute.
Thanks for all your input, think I know what I have to do.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Mon 28-Mar-16 20:53:29

Are you fucking insane? You've been dating him for 3 months and seen each other 4 times, and you're talking about moving closer to him? What the fuck?

Suddenlyseymour Mon 28-Mar-16 20:53:32

You said you would consider moving closer but just to see his reaction? Um, that's a really odd thing to do...

ElderlyKoreanLady Mon 28-Mar-16 20:59:52

You'll definitely have come across badly saying you could move closer to him considering you've only actually met him 4 times.

Regardless though, 4 times in 3-4 months really isn't a lot. Your lifestyles aren't compatible by the sounds of things and barely seeing each other is the result. I'd call it a day personally.

Trills Mon 28-Mar-16 21:01:42

Seeing him 4 times in 4 months - either:
a - your lives are just very incompatible
b - one or both of you is not really that interested

NerrSnerr Mon 28-Mar-16 21:02:48

I think that with his job and being a dk and your toddler it won't work.

He may be the one ending the relationship after suggesting moving bear him (why would you want to call his bluff with that?)

FiveSixPickUpSticks Mon 28-Mar-16 21:06:19

You said you would consider moving closer but just to see his reaction? Um, that's a really odd thing to do

I agree. What exactly did you expect his reaction to be shock

pictish Mon 28-Mar-16 21:06:52's not a goer is it? You can't go to him because of toddler and he won't come to you because he's not that fussed. He says what he needs to to keep you hanging on, but does very little to make it worth it.

MattBerrysHair Mon 28-Mar-16 21:06:58

Why are you playing games to get a reaction from him?

I'd just give up on this one. I have a LD relationship (2 hour drive) and we see each other every weekend. Even when we first started seeing each other it was never more than 2 weeks between visits. If he's not willing to make an effort for you then there is little point in putting extra effort in yourself as a new relationship shouldn't be such hard work.

Please don't play any more games, it's not very dignified.

TheNaze73 Tue 29-Mar-16 10:11:16

Game playing never work. Stop!

As for 4 times in 4 months, I think there is something seriously wrong there. One or both of you really aren't into it?

I'm a great believer that we make time in our lives for the people that matter. Of course, he should be making more of an effort due to circumstances. I don't sadly think you're a priority for him. His actions or rather lack of them, suggest that

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