Am I obliged to visit friend and new baby?

[InionEile]

Putting this here because I don't want to get railroaded over in AIBU... but it is a bit of an AIBU question.

Friend just had her second DC a couple of weeks ago. She had an emergency C-section and was in hospital for 4 days. We are part of a wider group of friends, about 6 of us in total. Everyone else apart from me has been to see her in hospital or else visited her at home so they have seen the new baby. I texted her last week and offered to drop by with some food or anything she needed and she said she was doing fine and had family there. Had a light exchange of texts and that was that. She hasn't invited me over to see the baby and I haven't pushed it since then. We had a baby shower for her a couple of months ago so I have already bought her a gift and contributed to a meal prep service.

So should I text her again to offer to come by? I feel like leaving it up to her really. She has been short with me for the past year or so, blanked me when we were at group events, taking me up wrong on things to start an argument, giving looks to others when I say things etc. It's been awkward but it's not all the time either, just randomly and usually at group events. I have just tried to ignore the sniping and not react. I kind of worry that if I did the friendship would just crumble as there is not much holding it together these days. She also said some tactless / hurtful things to me when I was feeling exhausted last year with my newborn. To be honest, I still resent her for that and don't feel that close to her anymore.

I kind of don't want to see her & baby really but would be fine seeing her in a group if we were all doing something together. Obviously since she just had the baby that is less likely though. Am I obliged to go and see her? Should I be feeling awkward that the rest of the group has?

[Essexgirlupnorth]

If you don't want to go and she hasn't extended a invitation then don't go. You have sent your congratulations and offered help so I would leave it as sounds like the friendship has cooled

[VertigoNun]

Tell the others you were not given an opportunity by her and move the conversation on.

[MakeItRain]

No, I wouldn't feel obliged. You offered to go over. She could easily have said "I'm busy now but free later". Coupled with all the odd behaviour it sounds like she doesn't really want to be friends with you.

I couldn't be bothered with all the rude behaviour so personally I'd be happy to cool things with her and just see her in a group like you said.

[Primaryteach87]

I don't think you are obliged. You've done lots of nice things. Plenty of close, local friends didn't see my little one until he was about 3 months old because life was busy! I didn't take offence and the were supportive in a virtual way.

[InionEile]

Thanks for the reassurance. Yes, that's how my gut feels. I have offered and she hasn't responded so that's enough.

I think my problem is all my friends gushing about having seen the new baby and going on about they cried holding him and he's so beautiful and so on. It makes me feel like a cold-hearted bitch to not be that interested(!). In general though everyone in our group seems to really love this girl whereas I have seen a bitchy, jealous side to her so feel distant to her compared to them. Makes me feel a bit crazy sometimes like I am a super-negative person not to love her the way everyone else does. Either that or maybe I just bring out the worst in people !

[VertigoNun]

They don't want her bitching them. Widen your social group.

[RudeElf]

Well for starters she isnt your friend. You dont like her and she doesnt like you. Secondly, no of course youre not obliged to visit her. And you dont have to justify that to anyone else either.

[RudeElf]

my friends gushing about having seen the new baby and going on about they cried holding him

what is wrong with your friends?!

[RupertPupkin]

Really? They cried at a newborn baby? I'm sure it's a lovely baby but the only thing that would make me cry over a baby would be relief I'm not having anymore.

[LeaLeander]

It's impolite to invite oneself to someone else's home so you can hardly go without express invitation from her.

You are in the clear.

[InionEile]

I do wonder sometimes RudeElf. DH keeps telling me to find new friends as I clearly have nothing in common with this group. Easier said than done though!

[Anniegetyourgun]

Yes, that really is a weird reaction. Did they cry when they held your newborn? If not, why not? Is it really possible that your "friend"'s baby is so much more beautiful than yours? (Hint: all new babies are beautiful. Or none are, depending on your fondness for them.)

Can only assume "friend" is keen for everyone to focus on her baby, which means you and yours have to be shuffled out.

[RudeElf]

I am an absolute puddle around babies. I love them. I could put them all in my handbag and take them home. But i dont cry when i see them! I think your friends are lying. Or just weirdos.

[unimaginative13]

Sometimes people need to be more direct that might work for her.

One of my best friends sent a message which I found wishy washy but was typically of her. Something along the lines of 'I'll have to pop and see the baby when your free'

Rather than 'When are you free for me to see the baby!'

If your a bit funny with her take someone else- text her saying me and XYZ would love to see you this week what day are you free?

[unimaginative13]

I dislike other people's Children and babies I don't need to hold them but I do visit with a friend from politeness

[BolshierAryaStark]

Your friends sound a bit odd tbh & the one with the new baby seems horrible.
Your DH is right, widen your social circle then ditch them.