Not sure why I'm posting really, just need to talk I guess. No-one irl I can turn to.
I am married to an alcoholic. I am the breadwinner and he is unemployed at the moment. Sporadic work over the years but nothing at the moment. I keep the roof over our heads but he won't leave. He has nowhere to go and no money to pay for anything.
So here we are. I could probably get him out if I filed for divorce but where will that get me? I can't afford to run two houses, even if I could afford the divorce (which I can't).
So I'm trapped. I know I deserve more than this but there is no way out (I'm familiar with the Cs - I know this isn't my fault and I can't cure him). It's not every day anymore and not in the quantities it used to be but even a small amount turns him into someone I despise. He's killed every last bit of love I once felt for him.
I knew on our wedding day that it was a mistake but I felt then I had no choice. Now I have even less.
If I'm totally honest with myself, in my darkest hours I wish he would die and leave me alone. I feel so awful about that but I can't see him ever leaving me any other way
I keep myself together for the dcs and shield them from his illness as much as I can but when they're in bed and I'm sitting in the dark I feel so alone.
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Trapped in my marriage
21 replies
Thisisnotmyusualnn · 14/03/2016 19:57
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