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I suspect I am being love bombed - he seems too good to be true...

(23 Posts)
Nothavingfunrightnow Sat 12-Mar-16 10:47:08

Has anyone had experience in being love bombed? We met OL and have seen each other 4 times.

He seems to be perfect. His texts are very romantic and sweet. He says the loveliest things to me. Under all this, though is a niggling feeling that something is not right.

I dont know what he wants from me... though he is already talking about wanting a long term relationship.

My gut instinct says Narcissistic Personality Disorder!!

Can anyone talk me through this, please?

Chocolatteaddict1 Sat 12-Mar-16 10:50:17

Sounds like a bloke I met on OLD, sadly I fell for it sad

Always listen to your gut feeling, I wished I had with him. If something looks/sounds to good to be true it probally is.

When I met Dh the difference was staggering. There was no love bombing just honest, straight forward Interest.

MajesticWhine Sat 12-Mar-16 10:55:39

It sounds like he is idealising you without really knowing you. He is in love with the idea of being in love. If it feels wrong then trust your instincts. Tell him to slow it down. Or just end it if you are not into him.

Nothavingfunrightnow Sat 12-Mar-16 11:33:25

I bounce between being scared shitless of being hurt, and floating on air! I have been completely swept off my feet -the strangest feeling.

I know what to do, though...

MakeItRain Sat 12-Mar-16 11:49:00

He really doesn't know you after 4 dates. So the fact that his texts are already romantic and sweet would really bother me. I would listen to your instinct. Worrying that he has NPD is not what you should be going through about after just a few dates. It shouldn't even occur to you!

What to do? Like majestic whine said, tell him to slow right down so you can get to know each other, or stop seeing him.

lottielou7 Sat 12-Mar-16 11:52:56

I've been love bombed. The guy in question was ringing me every day and spending about 2 hours on the phone. Telling me I was amazing etc. Buying me champagne hmm I'm pretty sure he's a narcissist although one of the less dangerous types IMO. The way to tell is to see whether they show any signs of empathy. For mine, that was where his mask fell off and revealed who he really is.

DoreenLethal Sat 12-Mar-16 12:23:06

If you do listen to your gut and back off and he realises that he was being overkill, then it would still work out if he calmed it down a bit.

If he doesn't accept the overkill then you have dodged a bullet there.

If you don't listen to your gut and let him sweep you off your feet - then it can so easily end in disaster as this behaviour is a red flag for controlling potential abusers. You have already identified it as love bombing - a method of controlling kids behaviour to get them to react in a positive way. So what behaviour of yours is he trying to manipulate?

Slowdecrease Sat 12-Mar-16 15:30:45

Oh. My. God. The amount of posters who say they said from the outset they wanted a long term relationship etc etc all good...say what you want upfront. A bloke does it...and its dodgy! Maybe when women do it men think bloody helll I'm being lovebombed here no thank you and scarper! Maybe we've cracked the mystery!

Chocolatteaddict1 Sat 12-Mar-16 15:44:35

I think there is a difference slow

lottielou7 Sat 12-Mar-16 17:21:25

Slow - but if you have a niggling feeling something isn't right then usually there is a reason for this.

Teaandcakeat8 Sat 12-Mar-16 17:27:48

Trust your gut, mine has never let me down.

Fwiw this would massively put me off too.

This is I think the biggest problem with online dating, everyone you meet can only be judged by what you know about them. Whereas IRL you can get more of a gauge on their personality as you might know their friends, see how they act at work, etc.

throaty222 Sat 12-Mar-16 17:36:06

I've been lov bombed 7 times in my life in new relationships.

5 of them were genuinely just totally "love at first sight" into me and either it turned into great, long lasting relationships OR they held a candle for me for many years if I rejected them

2 of them were narcissistic game players.

You can tell pretty easily as the relationship progresses. If they are fuck ups, by date 10 they will have shown another sign - blown hot and cold or generally made you feel really uneasy.

The ones who are just genuinely mad about you will be consistent and not do anything else that messes with your mind.

glassbowlerhat Sat 12-Mar-16 18:01:19

Yes, all the ones who get overwhelmed with feelings either are playing a manipulative game or they are desperate weirdos with little self-respect.

I know someone who was like this with one woman, then after she dumped him he latched onto another, and although he's an "ok husband" I don't think the relationship worked out well.

he was obsessed with the idea of being In A Relationship (mother issues as a child so I think he wanted to make himself the perfect family life) .

But they are in masses of crippling debt, his education/career stalled (due to spending so much time talking about The Relationship and not enough time managing money), he doesn't pull his weight with the children or do wifework, and he spends time on Facebook reposting things about how "anyone messes with my bubz and missus I kill them" and "re-instate Jeremy Clarkson".

Everyone he meets is his new best friend then he falls out a few weeks later.

In love with the idea of love and a bit of an emotional train wreck.

Signs of interest should be more actions - being reliable, having self-respect, turning up when he says he will, listening. Respecting your boundaries whilst making sure that your own life is a lot better for having him in it: someone sending a florid Mills and Boon text does not greater improve the quality of ones day.

It takes time. And normal well-socialisied people take time to know another. You can't love someone who doesn't love themselves.

whimsical1975 Sat 12-Mar-16 18:04:49

My very favourite quote... "that fleeting thought is worth pursuing"

Listen to that little voice... always!

hurtandconfued2016 Sat 12-Mar-16 18:09:18

My ex before we where in a relationship I had a car crash and he was all like I want to come to the hospital etc etc (I had only been speaking to him for 1 day).
Then he would text 24/7 would come to work (where I met him) doing crazy over time and stuff like that Would send the cutest texts and stuff like that!
Well that relationship ended 8 weeks ago and he has became the crazy narcissist ex and that I never expected

Rebecca2014 Sat 12-Mar-16 18:15:26

I went through this recently! I dated this man for 5 weeks, every day he would phone me 2/3 times a day, he would say lovely things. He brought me valentine gifts, be brought me something for my car! yes full on.

Anyway a few days ago, he ghosted me. He has completely cut me out. Not all the time but men that are this full on at the start, tend to fade very quickly as they seem to put you on a pedestal.

I am not saying this guy will, I bet some do stick around but it seems to be a common theme.

kirinm Sat 12-Mar-16 18:20:53

I had exactly this at the start of one relationship minus the bad feeling. Still with him 3 years later.

If you have a nagging feeling then maybe it isn't right but I don't think it's fair to call a bloke narcissistic because he likes you and is being nice to you!

HeavenlyPeas Sat 12-Mar-16 18:33:41

DH was like that at the beginning but it didn't give me the heebie-jeebies. It felt like an accurate reflection of what I now know to be his personality - eternally optimistic, slightly impulsive, and over-enthusiastic about new interests. It wasn't a reflection of him being a manipulative weirdo, or low self esteem - just of him deciding on very little evidence that he really liked me. Like he decided on very little evidence that he'd really like camping and now we have a tent and a membership of the Camping and Caravan Club that we've never used. hmm

If it feels wrong though, it probably is. It's not something that in itself would worry me (clearly) but accompanied by a bad gut feeling I would run a mile.

Shiraznowplease Sat 12-Mar-16 18:34:56

My DH was just like this but said it was love at first sight and he didn't want to lose me. We have been married for 13 years and have 2 children. He is really attentive now but not remotely controlling. He says he had never been like it before. Unlike glassbowlerhat, he has a firm set of friends from school, two degrees and a steady job.
Maybe it's just love at first sight?

ProfGrammaticus Sat 12-Mar-16 18:37:05

This happened to my friend, they also met online. In the end he wormed his way into her rather easily given trust and stole from her. She had to give evidence in a criminal court case.

Shiraznowplease Sat 12-Mar-16 18:39:38

Cross posted withHeavenlyPeas

MadeMan Sat 12-Mar-16 18:47:55

"brought me something for my car!"

A fluffy pink steering wheel cover?

MrsJuice Sat 12-Mar-16 23:15:35

Been there. Had a child, married. Loved him completely.
2 weeks ago he just moved out. Refused to talk. Asked for a divorce via text.

Just be careful.

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