I know it's a problem that comes up time and time again on here.
Me and DH have been married for 8 years and been together 15. We have a 6 year old DD and DH has an older child from his first marriage. He is 8 years older than me.
We started out as friends really but got together after a few years when both of us were single. Things started out ok (although never prolific) but have drifted over the years.
We have only had sex around 15 times since DD was born so you can work out from that how often things are. The last time was in July last year!
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not someone who has a high libido but I feel like we should really be more intimate than this as husband and wife and that we have become friends who parent a child together.
We have had a discussion about it and he thinks that I just never seem to want him and have only been concerned with being a mum since the little one was born. I suppose there is an element of truth in the early years especially when I found the role of being a mum all consuming. He also said our sex life was a bit dull and that he has tried to liven things up a bit but I just never seem to either buy into what he brings to the table or am too tired. When we were first together, we talked about past loves etc and he knows that I have done things that in his eyes were much more adventurous than what I will do now and can't understand why. Of course I was much younger then and a bit clueless so often went along with what BF's suggested and as I/they lived with parents some of the "adventurous' venues for intimacy were more a case of finding privacy more than need to have sex in different places if you know what I mean!
I accept some of what he is saying but I have always found discussing sex difficult as my parents were very strict Catholics and thought sex was for producing children! I could never talk to my mum about anything growing up.
He accepts his part in this and says that as things have drifted, he has lost the desire and that he does think l, like I do that we have settled into this parent role and become friends who live together.
It's all becoming a bit awkward now it's been that long. It's like the elephant in the room that nobody wants to address.
Has anybody been in this situation and come out the other side or is anyone living like this now? Are some people just not sexually compatible? I don't think there is a great deal of lust for each other nowadays. I don't fancy him like i did in the early days and I don't think he fancies me either. We do both love each other though and there have never been any signs of affairs as far as I can tell.
We are in our 40's by the way.
thanks.
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Relationships
Lack of intimacy.
Easyasabc123 · 10/03/2016 13:11
To rectify the situation you need to have 'the talk' which is really really hard. I confess I had a 
or too and my DH felt the same. Without doing this things really won't change, we were in the same situation months without dtd and I hated being touched or cuddled. I think I just felt like a mum I had lost my purpose and pushed DH away so eventually he gave in initiating and stopped trying.
Initially I felt relieved but then realised I didn't want to live like this forever, things have definatley improved we have some sort or physical contact at least 3 times per week, this has brought us so close I had no idea that sex had such an impact on a relationship. It was initially boring but then I let my guard down and things have improved dramatically. It's such a lovely connection to have with someone. I hope it never changes, but it is continuous work.
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