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Toxic extended family and possible game-playing. Advice needed please.

(4 Posts)
QueenMolotov Mon 07-Mar-16 16:37:26

I've posted here a lot over the last 2 years on this subject. Essentially, my extended family is toxic: my DM and I fell out and went NC with my aunt and cousins due to the latest lot of lies and nasty rumours, built up over many years.

One of my cousins however, realised that her DM (my aunt) is the source of the toxicity in our family and we (DM and I) have recently reconciled with her. She has had a breakdown due to her DM's emotionally abusive behaviour towards her over the years and we are keen to support her. It really feels like a fresh start and that part is wonderful.

However, what isn't wonderful is that my cousin has been ostracised from her family (DM, DF, DBro, DSis-in-law and their DCs). My cousin's 20yo dd (I'll call her M) has also gone NC with my cousin and this is causing her the greatest anxiety. M has basically been groomed by my aunt (her DGM); my aunt looked after M throughout her childhood as my cousin was a working single parent, so lots of unsupervised access. M seems to be under my aunt's toxic spell.

I recently unblocked M from Facebook in case she ever wanted to contact me. My cousin and I only recently connected on there again and I think M might snoop on my cousin's profile and saw me on there again as M has requested to be my friend on there again (which is good in a way).

I'm worried though, that as she isn't friends with her DM (my cousin), my profile is a way to gather info about my cousin to feed back to her toxic DGM. It's might also be a way to keep track of us. I'm definitely not being paranoid. I hope I'm just being defensive, but how should I play things? I want to open the door to her. I want my cousin and her dd to reconcile. But I don't want the toxic one in our family blighting things yet again.

Any advice on how to handle things?


QueenMolotov Mon 07-Mar-16 17:56:54

Bumping as I would like to reply to the request tonight.

pocketsaviour Mon 07-Mar-16 18:03:20

You've posted about your cousin and her DD before, haven't you? And the DD was being completely controlled by her narcissistic grandmother.

I would personally accept the request but put her on a restricted list so she can only see the blandest, most anodyne stuff you post. Lots of kittens and sunrises grin

QueenMolotov Mon 07-Mar-16 19:48:49

Hi pocket, yes, it is me who posted the message that you remember. Thank-you for replying to this post.

I will reply to M and do as you suggest. I feel that she will return to her DM one day. It's just so horrible to think that their relationship is on it's knees because of their mother/grandmother.

Thank-you again.

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