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Am I wasting my time?

(4 Posts)
CatsEyes28 Mon 07-Mar-16 15:47:38

I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year now, he wasn't working when we first met due to some health issues but he assured me he was looking at getting a job.... fast forward a year and he still hasn't got a job. Now I'm an understanding person and realise that with health issues it might take longer for him to find a job, I feel like I've been quite patient so far.... but now I'm starting to feel a bit fed up of waiting around for him. I suppose it's more of an issue for me because we live in different countries and in order for us to live together and move forward to have a future he needs to have a job for any of this to happen. He tells me he wants to get a job and is looking but I'm not sure he is actually applying for any because he never has any interviews or anything come out of any applications.

Am I wasting my time waiting for him to step up and get a job? Is a year a reasonable enough time to expect something to have changed?

I wouldn't mind waiting if I thought he was going to put more effort in but my head tells me to look at his actions so far and take that as read rather than listen to what he tells me. I worry a bit because he's always said he wants to do something in music (he writes his own music) ... I'm concerned he has unrealistic expectations of getting a job doing something with this before he'd have to look at any alternatives, hence the lack of effort so far. I've tried talking to him about doing courses etc so he can have some other options for getting work either country but he doesn't seem interested in this so I worry I'll be left waiting around for years while he sticks to this dream. Am I being unreasonable thinking this way, should I give him the benefit of the doubt and give things a bit longer?

Thanks for any advice.

Cabrinha Mon 07-Mar-16 15:52:19

Presumably you're funding all travel for physical contact with him?

I'd dump him if he's capable of working in some capacity but not bothering.

What (who?) is he living off currently? Not you I hope!

Jan45 Mon 07-Mar-16 15:55:10

Look, he's not interested in work, he's not interested in courses, he's had a year to prove this to you.

Time to find a grown up.

More worried about you thinking it's you being unreasonable!

Joysmum Mon 07-Mar-16 15:59:31

As you've touched on, for me it's about effort put in to finding a job and acceptance of something lesser just to be back into work again.

The only way you going to know his attitude to that is to get him to talk about it by suggesting you both brain storm to get him in employment because the longer he's out of a job, the harder it is to get one.

How he responds will give you more to go on to make a decision about him.

If he's not putting the effort in, or prepared to look at new avenues forward, then I'd say bye bye.

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