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How do I get past this?

(9 Posts)
tinafaith Mon 07-Mar-16 11:46:43

I know i'm blowing this out of proportion but this has been going around my head for a few days now and I just need to get it out and deal with it some how.

My DH plays in a band. He usually has at least one gig a weekend. Which is fine as we split chores/childcare etc. So I've got no issue with him being in a band. It keeps him happy and we seem to have found a balance.

My problem at the moment is a few weeks ago he played a gig and photo's went up on the band site. I don't usually look, but a few days ago I was browsing through and there were pics of him with a woman hanging off him. There were also some pics where she is very obviously eyeing him up. When I asked him about it he told me that she'd been all over him. Licked his face and was getting up on stage etc. I asked him why he didn't mention it before & he said it wasn't a big deal. It happens sometimes and its just part of being in a band around drunk people.

I trust him and know that he wouldn't do anything, but I can't stop thinking about it. It stings that all our friends have probably seen the pics and I feel a bit embarrassed about it.

I've just started to wean off antidepressants so I know my thinking is a bit skewed at the moment and i'm feeling insecure due to depression and weight gain. But how do I get over it? At the moment I feel tearful every time he goes out for a gig. We've talked about it and he understands how I feel and I know he wouldn't do anything, but I don't know how to get over it?

Only1scoop Mon 07-Mar-16 11:49:40

'Licked his face'

BoyGirlBoy3 Mon 07-Mar-16 11:53:00

Maybe it will just take a bit of time, maybe show your face at one of the gigs, pre arranged with your husband, for him to come straight and kiss you after a song, take the wind out of her sails a bit. It kind of comes with the territory, fans etc.. Was he in a band when you met him?, because that's quite a big change!

pocketsaviour Mon 07-Mar-16 11:53:04


Can you reframe this to see him as the victim of unwanted sexual contact? Because that's actually what it sounds like. If you had been out and a drunken man had literally slobbered over you, would you expect your DP to be jealous, or would you expect him to say "How horrible darling, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that"?

tinafaith Mon 07-Mar-16 11:53:42

Yep, I was shocked when he told me that. I don't think I've ever been drunk enough to lick a strangers face (or indeed a friends face)

RedMapleLeaf Mon 07-Mar-16 11:57:53

He wouldn't do anything? How are you defining "anything"?

ArmfulOfRoses Mon 07-Mar-16 12:00:00

I agree with pocket.
That's grim.

stumblymonkey Mon 07-Mar-16 13:26:43

I also agree with pocket.

As long as you trust him and he's never given you any reason to think he can't be trusted then you'll just have to focus on seeing it for what it was....unwanted attention.

tinafaith Mon 07-Mar-16 20:33:40

Thanks for the replies. You're totally right Pocket. Thanks for helping me get this in perspective.

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