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2 year itch or am I just being scatty?(10 Posts)
I love DP very very much and we have been raising his son who lives with us for not far off a year. We've been living together for a similar kind of period, and together for 2 years. We're under a lot of pressure - financially/moving house/my health/education etc, so I'm aware that all of this could well be me just getting overwhelmed and taking it out on the nearest and dearest, but I'm also aware my longest relationship has been 2 1/2 years and I'm wondering if relationships do get in a sticky phase now as the honeymoon period is well and truly over.
Anyway - I'm getting very antsy about money - he's never been good with his own finances and now we have very limited income it's harder but he doesn't seem to see we need to watch every penny. He isn't the tidiest and my health means I can't keep up with keeping the house in a good state, which really irritates me. He does do the vast majority of childcare and cooks our meals, so I can't say he's lazy, but he could do more! He does get to see his friends more than I do - a lot more (I get to see them once every 3 months or so, he gets to go out once a month or so), but we do live 60ish miles from our friends, it makes me annoyed that he has money to go out and see friends where as I just go round and have a take away. He says his mates won't do that...but we don't have the money for him to do that, but I can't isolate him more than he already is. I'm finding him not always that supportive (mainly with my education/diet/mental health) but at the same time he's never been in this position and he doesn't understand what it's like to get essays done/be 4 stone overweight and hate myself for it/to have PTSD and be disabled. I try to explain but it's hard to find the right moment and I find he just cuts the conversation off when it gets too much for him or he feels I'm labouring a point.
On the other hand - I have become a neurotic nag, find it hard to go shopping on my own so he has to come in tow, I have a short temper, I'm not as much fun as I once was, I have a mass of worries on my mind and we rarely get anytime without DSS around for us to just be a couple.
Am I being totally scatty and just overwhelmed or is there something more to this?
He's not making you happy, he priorities his friends and spending time and money with them.
Big deal, he looks after his own child.
What exactly is he bringing to the table - sounds like all he is doing is adding to your woes.
Why is the son not living with his mother?
Does he work? You don't mention that.
Why can't he go and see his friends every month? I find it very odd that you seem to want to limit him to when you see yours... every 3 months.
You talk about all your needs - education, diet, mental - but what about his needs?
And again, you say he doesn't understand what it's like to get essays done/be 4 stone overweight and hate myself for it/to have PTSD and be disabled.
OK, I get you're not in a good place but I don't understand what you want him to do - stop going out? stop seeing his friends? Wait on you and your needs?
Sorry OP, I don't think you're being scatty, I think you're being me, me, me...
I don't think going out once a month is excessive.
When you say you don't find him very supportive, what do you actually want him to do re. your essays, weight, PTSD and disability? Have you spelt that out to him?
As for your finances, could you set a budget together and stick to it?
I think you need to be clear about if you want to be in this relationship or not.
I'm also aware my longest relationship has been 2 1/2 years and I'm wondering if relationships do get in a sticky phase now as the honeymoon period is well and truly over
^^ The Honeymoon period should last longer than 2.5 years!
Me and DH have been together for 8 years, and I still very much consider us as being in the Honeymoon period.
You don't sound much fun to be around - can you find your old self? I don't say that to be horrible. I just think you might have more fun, if you worry less and chill out a bit.
Going out once a month is not alot. At all!
His son lives with us as DSS's mum is unwell and not in a position to look after a child. We live 60 miles away from all of our friends and family so the cost of him going out has to include train fare, food, sometimes somewhere to stay as well. Its not excessive at all, I just feel a bit envious as i get to go out a lot less than that. I want us both to be able to go out more, hopefully that will happen when we move closer.
I had a horrible horrible day yesterday - i'd run out of medication and I just cried for 2 hours solid about all of it. I'm not in the greatest of places right now, but i'm trying to do something about it. he has said I'm not as fun as I once was, he actually came home after the school run with a massive bunch of flowers to cheer me up, which did put a smile on my face at least! He's not working because the cost of childcare would eat up pretty much everything he earnt. He will be as of september, he'd go back now if we could A) find full time nursery place and B) afford said place.
I do love him and want to be with him very much, we do need to budget better, and I need to learn to let my hair down a bit more. I think i need to stop stressing so much!
It's hard not to stress sometimes. Think of all the things you have to be grateful for. Have some wine with dinner - it's Friday! :-)
I think being together 24/7 is a lot of pressure too. I would be irritated beyond belief if I was with my dp constantly, regardless of how much I loved him.
Would you consider a carer for yourself so your relationship with him can be more romanance based than feeling you're dependent on him?
Um. So basically your partner has to do the cooking, look after his son, support you with your education, diet, mental needs, PTSD, disability, (are these all different ?), take you shopping as you can't go alone, but begrudge him one night out a month with his mates?
Poor man. You seriously need to get more direct help from whichever dept you are under for your welfare and health concerns.
I'm getting everything I can support wise. It's really hard without support of friends or family which is why we're trying to move. I know I'm a burden on him and I hate it.
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