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Overly Private Significant Other

(17 Posts)
georgiatraher Tue 01-Mar-16 13:47:00

My boyfriend is very very private, to the extent that it is starting to bother me.

He is very careful about PDA and never gives me more than a peck on the lips in public. He does introduce me as his gf to other people, but is not affectionate in public. In private it's different, he's more affectionate and loving, but I wish he'd show it in front of others. The worst part is if I go to kiss him or touch him he will pull away from me, which everyone else reads as rejection of me (although I know he doesnt feel that way).

He is generally private about his feelings as well. He tends to tell his close female friends more than me, or that's what it feels like. His mother recently went into hospital and he didnt tell me about it for a while. I know there's nothing I can do about that situation but he's pushing me away emotionally when I try to help by cooking him dinner or doing all the chores for him. "there's nothing you can do." is a hurtful phrase he's used. It all stems from his overly private side of him.

If I try to approach these subjects he makes out like I am trying to change him.

holeinmyheart Wed 02-Mar-16 05:14:18

Mmmm my husband, his DM and her DM and my DD are like this. They are introverts. So what to do? They honestly can't help it.
My other DCs phone me up frequently, tells me everything, get very excited about stuff and are more like me.
Your BF is not doing anything deliberately so you have a choice either accept his personality or not.
My DH loves me and our DCs but he has great difficulty showing emotion. He can keep a secret in fact, I find out things months after they have happened and he never gossips or bad mouths any one.
At least your BF has friends. My DH has no friends as such as he doesn't need them.
My DD was pregnant for 3 months before she told me. Never cries and tells me very little. I find it astonishing that she comes from the same place as her siblings who are so totally different.
I would think carefully about continuing this relationship as I have struggled on occasion to come to terms with living with what is essentially a loner.
I had always had my girl friends for emotional support.

springydaffs Wed 02-Mar-16 05:29:39

He tends to tell his close female friends more than me, or that's what it feels like.

Stop right there. Is that accurate do you think? If so then I wouldn't hang around.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 02-Mar-16 05:31:35

How long have you been together?

schmalex Wed 02-Mar-16 06:39:42

I don't think it's true to say that being an introvert means you can't show emotion and don't need friends, that's another thing entirely.

holeinmyheart Wed 02-Mar-16 08:26:24

smalex well my introverts struggle with showing their emotions and don't appear to need people. However my DH is respected and liked, it's just that he doesn't seek people out, and no one really knows him as he doesn't engage. My DD has friends but finds it difficult to make new ones.

Instead of just commenting on my reply what advice have you got to offer?

Marchate Wed 02-Mar-16 08:33:36

Good morning OP. I am wondering why you have started a new thread with an almost identical title and the same question?

Imbroglio Wed 02-Mar-16 08:38:41

Are you new in the relationship? If so, give it time.

PurpleDaisies Wed 02-Mar-16 08:39:35

marchate it looks like it is an accidental duplicate-the time is the same as the other thread.

Cabrinha Wed 02-Mar-16 08:40:07

Did you not like the previous answers? Given that they were overwhelmingly of the opinion that he's not that into you?

PurpleDaisies Wed 02-Mar-16 08:40:43

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2582468-Very-Private-Significant-Other?msgid=59603144#59603144

Look at the times of both threads-started a minute apart.

NoraLouca Wed 02-Mar-16 08:43:10

I am a bit like your bf with my bf. I don't like PDA and will automatically pull away if he tries to kiss me in public. I'm trying hard to stop doing this because I don't want him to think I'm rejecting him but it's difficult because it's like a reflex action that I can't help. I'm not at all like this in private and have tried to explain to bf how I feel and make an effort with holding hands etc when we are out.

I also find it very difficult to talk about feelings and emotions but that's with everyone not just bf and have been like this all my life. I have to have known someone for years (literally!) before I'm comfortable talking about private things. That said I do find him easy to talk to and have said a lot more to him than to other friends when I'd known them for a comparable amount of time.

FWIW I love my bf and see a future with him.

Marchate Wed 02-Mar-16 08:46:39

Ah, imbroglio I didn't notice that on my phone screen

holeinmyheart Wed 02-Mar-16 08:55:02

There are two identical threads. The Op is getting two for the price for one.

georgiatraher Wed 02-Mar-16 09:43:07

I don't know how to delete the other thread? it was an accident

georgiatraher Wed 02-Mar-16 09:57:53

Oh no wait. This one? the other one has more. GAH this is confusing is it possible to delete threads?

Marchate Wed 02-Mar-16 10:23:02

I think you report the thread and explain why you want it deleted

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