dealing with guilt trip

[pissedonatrain]

So I am finally moving out in a few weeks after having to live with stbx since mid 2015 and I mentioned I bought a ticket to go home.

So the first thing he says so you're going to leave me with this mess.

I don't think I have to justify anything to him or owe him any explanation for anything I do!

He's the one who had the emotional affair and said he was living in a prison with me and couldn't leave and he knew late last year that March was when one of us was moving out. He's made no effort to leave and I can't stand the sight of him anymore so I made arrangements to leave. Yeah he can clean up the place as he is the stinky shower dodger that wants to live in a tip.

I suspect the comments will ramp up between now and then. Any advice on how to deal with his passive aggressive guilt trips?

[DoreenLethal]

Stop engaging with him and say 'sorry, remind me again why we are in this situation? Do you think i give a shit about it?'

[DoreenLethal]

Or simply 'do you think i care?'

[MoominPie22]

I wouldn´t feel guilty anyway. I´d put it right back with him and tell him to fuck off, stop whinging and take ownership of his choices. Cos they have always been choices! He´s not wanting to take responsibility and that is not your responsibility. Therefore, just walk away, head held high and with clear conscience.

You just concentrate on enjoying your new life and a fantastic, loser-free future!!

[MagratsFlyawayHair]

Every time he gets shirty just say "oh thank god I'm leaving soon" and walk off. Or just ignore and walk off. If you don't engage you'll get through.

Good luck. It sucks living with an ex. I had to for 3 months (not married but still bad). Longest 3 months of my life.

[LastOneDancing]

You reap what you sow. Sucks to be him!

[pissedonatrain]

Good suggestions! I'll try to avoid as much as possible. He's the one who messed up the marriage and he's the one who wants out. He sure still tries to boss me around and stick his nose in my business!

Maybe I should remind him having to tidy up by himself would be a small price to pay considering all the years of "prison" he has been in being married to me!

[MoominPie22]

His bullshit is just a way of trying to manipulate you. Don´t spend any time with him if at all possible. All he is is a negative force trying to influence you, a dark cloud hanging overhead ready to piss all over your good mood and positivity. Don´t let him!

How long till you leave? If he knows exactly when you leave will he cause problems do you think? Maybe have a friend present or leave earlier than he is expecting, even if it means kipping on someone´s sofa or spending it in a B&B? I´m just concerned he might have some nasty trick up his sleeve, unless he only knows vaguely when you leave of course......Best wishes. I bet you can´t wait?

[pissedonatrain]

No he doesn't know the exact date. I would imagine he'd have some manipulative crap to pull if he knew the exact date.

Yeah dark cloud is a good way of putting it. I can't believe I ever even liked him at all. I am just amazed at myself. ugh.