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Dp and his mum

(5 Posts)
Rainbowcardi Sun 14-Feb-16 13:17:49

Dp has told me all sorts of things about his mum that have made me hate her. He still has a relationship with her, which confuses the hell out of me.

A few of the things are:
She got credit in his name for household furnishings and clothes which he knew about but then she didn't pay it, and put him in to debt
She told him she had no money to put food on the table for the kids so he agreed to get more credit for her, she didn't pay that back either
He ended up going bankrupt
We have a young dd 5months, we survive on dps small income and a small student loan from me and his family continue to ask him if they can 'lend' money
She stayed with his father who abused him despite him begging her to leave him, she didn't leave until 10 years later
He has recurrent depression which she blames on me because he had a breakdown a few months after we moved it together
She only talks to him when she wants something, she didn't bother learning to drive so expects other people to take her to places

All this is the reason I can't stand the woman, I find her an irresponsible, manipulative user and I don't want myself or my dd to have any kind of relationship with a person like her.

Yet my dp asks why can't she see dd. I'm thinking what does he expect! It's even starting to annoy me that dp still bothers with her, why does he tell me how bad she is but then still wants a relationship. AIBU?

Walkacrossthesand Sun 14-Feb-16 13:23:28

You've had another thread about this very recently under a different username, haven't you, cardi? Is it still running?

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 14-Feb-16 13:29:59

He has an unhealthy co-dependent relationship (to say the very least) with his mother which she is more than happy to keep going. He is in a FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) state with regards to his mother and he may well never be able to escape that influence, after all this is all he has really known. He after all grew up with her.

He would have been the same with any other woman as well.

He may well want to continue to have a relationship with her but that does not mean that you or your child have to. Your man has to come to realise as well that his own inertia when it comes to his mother simply hurts him as well as you and your child.

pocketsaviour Sun 14-Feb-16 15:37:00

This book may help

Leaving aside your DP's struggles to free himself from her abuse, you need to protect your DD. Keep that at the forefront of your mind.

MoominPie22 Sun 14-Feb-16 15:39:55

Yes she did have another thread about the same thing. How come you´ve started a new one with a new name?

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