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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Am I in the wrong here?

23 replies

Amiwronghere2211 · 07/02/2016 08:20

Been up all night with cold, running nose, cough and frequent toilet trips I rang work to say do they want me to come in they said no. My oh hit the roof said 'I've been ill all week but I've made it to work' to which I said yeah but I deal with people you don't, I don't want to be standing there feeling like shit with a runny nose whilst talking to customers. He is really really annoyed at me. Am I in the wrong here?

OP posts:

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bb888 · 07/02/2016 08:22

Why does is affect him? Aren't you each just making your own choices about where the threshold lies for going in to work?

Goandplay · 07/02/2016 08:22

I can't see why this would annoy your OH. He could've done the same if he felt that ill.

You're not in the wrong. Go back to bed and I hope you feel better.

Amiwronghere2211 · 07/02/2016 08:25

It doesn't affect him he's off to work and I've got the kids to look after, it's not like I'm lazing around! I'm so pissed off! He's completely ignoring me and said I'm work shy

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giantpurplepeopleeater · 07/02/2016 08:28

Of course you're not in the wrong. TBH it's quite worrying that you are even questioning it. Perfectly normal, adult behaviour on your part.

Is your partner often like this about things? Sounds very immature/ nasty/ controlling

willowsummers · 07/02/2016 08:28

I think this would depend on a variety of things pertaining, largely, to job security, money and hours worked.

Ultimately it's none of his business but I have felt annoyed and lost sympathy in the past over partners claiming to be too 'ill' to work - which probably doesn't reflect too well on me!

Anniegetyourgun · 07/02/2016 08:29

Um, you asked if work wanted you in and they said they didn't. So if he's going to get snippy with anyone maybe it should be your manager, not you. Methinks he is jealous that your workplace is more enlightened than his. Or was just brought up in the kind of family that doesn't "do" illness.

whaleshark · 07/02/2016 08:32

Of course you are not wrong. Why is your DP getting his knickers in a knot about it? Who was having the children if you had gone to work? Can they not go there anyway so you can have some actual down time to recover?

Sunbeam1112 · 07/02/2016 08:33

Depends do you regulary take time off work? Obviously it does have a affect on wages and income. Try to get some rest and feel better for the next shift.

Joysmum · 07/02/2016 08:36

If I felt ill enough to all into work my DH would be concerned and checking if he could do anything to help.

He'd know I wasn't often sick and it wasn't something done lightly. He'd feel bad because I felt ill and he'd do anything he could to ensure I need do nothing and could just rest and recuperate. That's because he loves and respects me.

Why isn't your DH like that?

Amiwronghere2211 · 07/02/2016 08:37

It's only a little shift, I've only took about 3 days off in 6 month which seems a lot to him but they have all been very very valid reasons, 1 I was In hospital the other I and DS has terrible sickness bug this time I just feel like complete shit! I also work with food so sickness, etc I can't be around as expected. I just feel really guilty now

OP posts:

Amiwronghere2211 · 07/02/2016 08:39

He rarely takes time off work because he's the boss. I don't feel like I could make the journey without a toilet stop so what am I supposed to do?

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Joysmum · 07/02/2016 08:40

I just feel really guilty now

I really want to give you a wake up call about that. You are allowed to feel ill and take sick leave. Your DH should understand that and not then give you shit for it.

Why do you feel guilty rather than angry with him for it?

Joysmum · 07/02/2016 08:41

If he's the biggest as he can delegate and isn't coming still met facing so off course he can still go in

Goandplay · 07/02/2016 08:41

You've cancelled work now so there is absolutely no point thinking about it any longer.

As my mum would say he can like it or lump it

Amiwronghere2211 · 07/02/2016 08:45

I dunno why I feel guilty, I know what my colleges are like they will all be calling me this and that etc but as my manager said there's no point coming in and going home then them having no one in. I just don't understand why I'm not allowed to be ill I'm dead annoyed he has treated me this way

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AtSea1979 · 07/02/2016 08:49

Is your DH often jealous of you? I'd be quite concerned that he resents you.

Amiwronghere2211 · 07/02/2016 08:53

I don't think he's jealous? I'm a manager too just not as high as him in the fact I'm not the 'top manager ' if you get me? His job is slot more complicated than mine and he's relied on to do everything, I only work part time where he works 50+ a week so I guess he thinks I should at least make it but if I'm not well then I shouldn't go in surely? Argh

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silverfoxofwarwick1952 · 07/02/2016 10:48

Well, he is a rubbish boss that's for sure!

Who the hell as a 'top man' is relied on to do eveything, works 50 hours a week, takes his own illnesses and infections into work and probably expects his staff to meet the same unrealistic objectives. His work seems like a short sighted type of organisation.

Sounds like your husband needs a wake call about life! He's totally blinkered if he thinks this is right or successful.

silverfoxofwarwick1952 · 07/02/2016 10:54

In my firm, if a member was ill they stayed away all week, and sometimes the next. If batteries need recharging, they get recharged, fully. The work gets done anyway and people came back fitter physically and mentally and the team spirit was excellent. Nobody took the piss. In cases of prolonged life-threatening illness it was months (sometimes years) off and this extended to depression also. The health of a business' team members is as important as cash flows.

MadisonMontgomery · 07/02/2016 11:52

I think he's a bit jealous. I struggle to take time off when I'm ill - strict sickness policy, lack of cover etc - but DP's job is completely different and it's not a problem for him. The other week we were both ill, and he stayed in bed whilst I dragged myself in and tbh I was bitterly jealous of him! But it is 100% my problem, not his, and I wouldn't say anything to him.

RiceCrispieTreats · 07/02/2016 18:59

Does he often find reasons to put you down?

If it's just this one issue, then most likely he's a workaholic imposing his own unhealthy notions on you.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/02/2016 19:08

To put it succinctly, fuck him and the horse he rode in on!

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pocketsaviour · 07/02/2016 22:36

People have different attitudes to working while sick.

3 occasions in 6 months seems a lot to me - I work in a call centre. But if you work with food and therefore have exclusion rules, then it's not so uncommon I guess.

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