ExH was abusive - emotionally, physically, financially, and I've been away from him for a year now. He has erratic contact and interest with DDs aged 8, 6 and 3 and refuses to pay anything towards them. He earns around 70-80k but as he is self employed he is now going to be paying me child maintenance of £100 per month for our 3 children, who he sees approx one weekend in every two months.
I've been in hospital with DD2 for the past three days for a planned op, which is quite hard on a 6 year old, I've been the one taking her, easing her anxieties, talking to docs, forcing her meds down at 11pm, and awake all with her.
He swanned into the hospital yesterday evening after work, didn't think to take a few hours off to be with her before or straight after the op. He came for the easy but when she was recovering and eating and playing again, as it was convenient timing on his way to his parents house for the weekend.
Yet he sat with her and showed he such tenderness. He fed her as she had a cannula in her hand and it was sore. He bought her a magazine and a chocolate bar. I left the room for a few hours as he makes me very anxious. Doctors and nurses on the ward were very good and supported me totally.
But I came home thinking about how gentle he was with her, how much she loves him and how good and easy life would be if we were still together. I'm conveniently erasing the bit where he has cleared out our joint savings to buy himself treats and kept me penniless during our 10-year marriage, how he slowly isolated me from my friends and family, and how he violently hit me in front of our children and still to this day hang apologised and thinks he is Mr Perfect. I'm almost grieving the loss of our marriage today, but it was shit and lonely and miserable.
Why why why? It's annoying to be so irrational. I loved the pants off him and he was horrible. Why do the good memories stick and the bad ones get brushed away?
No point to this post but I'm just ranting to myself to stop being stupid. Life is better but hard. Not enough of me to go round three children who could do with the love and support of two decent parents.
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Relationships
Lapping up crumbs of kindness from abusive exhusband - why do I fall for it?!!
7 replies
Namechanger2015 · 30/01/2016 21:50
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