We have been best friends for about 25 years. Been through lots together - my husband dying and hers leaving her. Problems with children, etc etc.
We have a group of friends five others, who are are all single too. We have a good social life together. Walks (don't do many of those as I have dicky hips), meals out, films - that sort of thing.
However, recently, and getting worse, this friend has started making spiteful little remarks, which always totally blindside me. So, although I am probably quicker than her, I never call her on them.
She never does this when it's just the two of us, only when with our friends.
Examples: this new year we (4 of us) spent new year together. New Year's Day started with brekkie out and she told me off for telling the waitress that me egg was cold (as we got the bill) apparently I should have told her earlier (I didn't because, I didn't want to wait for another one).
She kept on walking too fast. I have hip problems - the other two friends were much more concerned.
Went into sitting room, and found her watching Paddington. 'Ah Paddington' I said, to which she replied in a very aggressive fashion 'yes, and what is your problem with that'
Later we made supper from bits we had brought with us, ham and rolls and stuff. I thought I did my bit, but she made snarky remarks about how I would do the pud because I hadn't done anything to help.
The final straw was saying Goodnight. I said it twice to her, she ignored me. ( so blatant, it made me giggle)
The following day, she was back to being me lovely old friend! Guilt maybe? I dunno, I'm so confused!
I am so hurt by this stuff, but I love her to bits.
Sorry to state the obvious but have you asked her? Having through as much as you have I would have thought you would be able to say @have I done something to upset uou" and give some examples. You don't need to confrontational, just say you have noticed how she has been towards you.
I would ask her if you have done anything to upset her and also check that she doesn't have anything going on that is making her behave strangely. One of my closest friends became a complete bitch to me and later i found out that she was having terrible problems at home with her DP and for some reason i became the brunt of her frustrations. Friend may not be aware that she is treating you differently.
Also beware of confirmation bias. Now that you think that she is being hurtful to you, you are more likely to notice things that confirm this opinion, and possibly overlook anything nice that she says or does.