How long before you say 'I love you'?

[sparklingskies]

Just wondering really. I have a new boyfriend, we've been together for 8 weeks now but we've seen each other every day since day one. We're both absolutely smitten. We're coming close, I can feel it. I feel SO happy in his company, we just 'fit'. He treats me wonderfully. It's delicious. So how long before the 'L' word comes up?

[TickingClock1]

I don't think there is a time limit. My new partner told me "I love you" by accident at the end of a phone call about two weeks after we met!! We are still together 2 years later and more in love than ever, when we discussed it recently he just said it was the most natural thing in the world to say and he just said it without thinking. So I think what I am trying to say, is don't think about it too much and just say it when it comes natural. I hope your relationship works out, its lovely to hear people being happy on this board!

[honeybunny14]

Me and my dp felt the same very quickly think it was about 3 weeks in we said it

[Doublebubblebubble]

I waited a year - dh said it within 3 weeks (he's a hopeless romantic and I sadly am very guarded. We've been together for 10 years x

[Boozena]

6 weeks for us :-) happily married 9 years later! Say it when you feel it!

[Offred]

I don't think you can say you love someone if you don't know them really well TBH so it depends.

Saying "I love you" means something to the person hearing it, it's not just about how they make you feel.

[BeaufortBelle]

If it's as right as you say, just say it.

I knew it almost immediately but didn't dare hope. DH said "I have fallen in live with you after our third date". That was nearly 28 years ago. Ever since he has told me he loves me every morning when he wakes up and every night before he goes to sleep. If he is away he texts it x.

[TheNaze73]

That's pretty intense, seeing each other every day in an 8 week time slot however, if that works then fair play to you. Think it depends on frequency & no two relationships are the same but, as a rule I wouldn't even contemplate saying for 6 months. Would want to make sure it wasn't just lust & we were out of that bubble period of the early stages of a new relationship

[Offred]

Yeah 6 months is about what I'd need and I'd beware a relationship that starts off really intense and seems too good to be true TBH.

[BeaufortBelle]

I disagree, DH and I just knew, and we were late20s. We have didn't spend a night apart from our third date onwards. Completely different to previous relationships. Neither of us are "mushy" types.

[Offred]

With respect I think that's one experience of one relationship. One of the signs a relationship may develop into abuse is being really intense and 'perfect' at the start - the love bombing. That's not say all relationships that start that way are abusive relationships but IMO rushing into something is unnecessary and it is wiser to be aware that just because someone seems perfect and the relationship feels good at the beginning it doesn't mean it will prove to be that way over time.

[BeaufortBelle]

I agree but all experiences are different.

[Glitterbauble]

About 6 weeks in, dp said it first then I realised I felt the same, took us both by surprise tbh.

[moopymoodle]

Hmm a difficult one as some see love as that infatuated excitement stage. For me I knew I loved my DH probably about 2 months in. I said it after about 4 weeks though but looking back that was infatuation . I knew I really loved him when I was suffering from bad anxiety and for the first time I had somebody who cared and listened and it helped so much. I don't know why but In that moment I understood what love was finally. I was overcome by such gratitude for his presence in my life and knew I wanted us to be for keeps. He still often amazes me and I feel that same gratitude. I think true love is extreme gratitude, just like what I have for my children. When you value somebody so much you often feel warm bursts of gratitude and a feeling that losing this person would be the end of the world. Well that's my take on love anyway :)

[Threefishys]

Yes I think 'love' when you first meet someone means 'infatuation' . I think real love is rare. It's calm and assured and certain like the love you feel for your children and friends. I think it takes times to be real.

[Threefishys]

Also, love is a verb of course, so saying it means nothing unless it is demonstrated. Right now 8 weeks you are demonstrating infatuation which is normal and hopefully it will deepen and become real.

[Jw35]

Whenever it feels right to you both