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I'm an idiot aren't I?

23 replies

elpaso · 20/01/2016 15:32

Think (actually I know), I've been a massive idiot here, but hearing it from other people would help...

So, trying to keep things simple, I broke up with my ex around four years ago. It was a mutual decision, nothing major happened, just wasn't getting on well. It was a long term relationship (+5 years), living together, no kids.

We managed to remain friends and two years on, he met someone else, as did I. Whereas it didn't quite work out for me, he was with her for quite a while. She broke up with him after eighteen months or so, and he was a complete wreck.

I spent lots of time with him over the following weeks and we gradually started dating again about six weeks after his break up (I know, I know! Rebound, right!) and eventually decided to give it a proper go of things again.

As soon as we decided to become a couple again, his attitude towards me slowly started to change. He refused to tell anyone that we were back together (including our many mutual friends) and even made out that he went on holiday on his own, when in fact we had gone together. He maintained that this was because he wanted to take things slowly and wasn't interested in what other people thought, and stupidly, I went along with this.

Fast toward a couple of weeks after the holiday, his texts started dying off, (he wouldn't reply for hours, or at all, and never made any attempt to get in contact first), and whenever we met up, he was either tired from being out the night before, or couldn't stay too long as he had something else planned. Eventually he broke off with me after a couple of months, saying that it had all been a mistake, was confused when he got with me and no longer had any feelings for me.

As you can imagine, I was very hurt, and we didn't really see much of each other for a few months after.

Eventually we did start talking again, and he soon told me that he was back with his ex. He didn't keep this a secret at all, all our friends knew and were really happy for them. To this day, none of them knew about me.

Problems soon developed between them, which I advised him on and tried to help with him. He then decided to leave her.

Since then, we once again have been spending time together, going out, having nights in and staying over at each others houses. We have slept together as well.

But now I can see what an idiot I have been in doing this. He is using me, isn't? He claims not to be, and that he is confused, again. He talks about other women he likes, keeps telling me that I need to find the right guy, but yet will cuddle up to me etc.

I know I'm letting him walk over me, I just need someone to tell me that too! I would miss him if I walked away, but know that I need to...don't I?

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wannaBe · 20/01/2016 15:37

Yes. It sounds as if you are comfortable together but that actually you want different things. But when things are shit you're the one he comes to for support. Tbh I wouldn't say he's using you, more that he sees you as a friend with benefits but not a future life partner.

You need to walk away from this. If possible have a discussion with him about whether you could be friends (if that's what you want,) but nothing more.