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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Ex hit me

24 replies

FunkyColdOedema · 15/01/2016 10:04

To cut a long story short, he smacked me open handedly on my face. Not that there is any excuse whatsoever, but I wasn't yelling or physical with him. He started raising his voice and then hit me. He's never done this before, we've been separated for some time. I'm still in shock about this

OP posts:

Report

pinkyredrose · 15/01/2016 10:31

Can you call the police? He's committed a serious crime. Tell everyone if you like, family, friends etc, they should all know what kind of person he is.

pocketsaviour · 15/01/2016 10:34

So sorry OP that must have been very frightening. Have you told anyone IRL - friends, family? Do you have DC with the ex - were they around?

I agree with Pinky that ideally this should be reported to the police, he must not be allowed to think this is acceptable. It's common assault.

hellsbellsmelons · 15/01/2016 10:36

OMG that is assault.
Please contact 101 and get his logged with them.
It's absolutely not OK and absolutely not your fault.
As PP said - tell everyone. Your family, his family, your friends.
Get it out there and hope his is ashamed by it all.

Why were you in his presence?
I'm assuming you have kids with this arsehole?
Try to ensure you have someone with you for any other hand overs or make sure they happen in a public place in future.

I'm so sorry - it must be a shock for you.
But please report him and get it on record.
At least then any other potential girlfriends will know about this.

goddessofsmallthings · 15/01/2016 10:41

There is only one response to violence of this nature and that is to report it to the police as, if you don't, there's a very good chance he'll do it again and he won't necessarily stop at one smack on your face.

When and where did this incident take place? Were there any witnesses or were you at home alone? Do you have dc and, if so, were they present?

Regardless, call 101 and the police will come to your home to take your statement. This may not result in your ex being prosecuted, but at least he will know that if he assaults you again he may find himself in the dock.

FunkyColdOedema · 15/01/2016 10:55

Thanks for your responses. Yes we have DC which is they only reason I'm in contact with him. Though they were in the house thankfully they didn't see our hear anything. There weren't any witnesses

OP posts:

FunkyColdOedema · 15/01/2016 10:57

I slept on it, but yes I'm trying to gear myself up to call the police. Will my kids have to be involved at all? I want all this crap far from them. He's since showed a little remorse in so far as he still wants to be able to see the DC

OP posts:

MoMoTy · 15/01/2016 10:58

You poor thing you have to report him as he will think this is what he can do to you now. And your dc don't need to be subjected to his anger this way as well. Please find the strength to contact the police. Thank god he is your ex.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/01/2016 10:59

What he wants isn't important. He assaulted you. Imagine if a complete stranger walked up to in the street and hit you - what would you do?

If the kids didn't see or hear anything I can't see that they'd have to get involved.

You have to report it. I'm sorry this happened and hope you are feeling OK. Might be a good idea to take photos if there's any bruising.

ImperialBlether · 15/01/2016 10:59

I would definitely report him. Is he angry because you had the nerve to dump him?

hellsbellsmelons · 15/01/2016 11:07

So he hits you without any provocation and now wants to continue to see the kids!!!??
Wow - he's deluded.
Do you want him to continue to see them?
If he can't control himself I wouldn't want him near my kids.

goddessofsmallthings · 15/01/2016 11:21

As he has not been abusive to the dc he has the right to see them as per whatever arrangements you have put in place, but what is abundantly clear is that you must not allow him to cross your threshold again and all handovers should be conducted at your front door - preferably via a third party such as a friend or relative until such time (if ever) as you feel capable of setting sight on him.

All necessary communication to do with the dc or other matters should take place via email and I would suggest you set up an email address purely for this purpose.

I would also suggest you make contact with your nearest Women's Aid branch asap //www.womensaid.org.uk

hellsbellsmelons · 15/01/2016 11:26

As he has not been abusive to the dc he has the right to see them
He had never been physically abusive to the OP either until this incident!

MoominPie22 · 15/01/2016 11:29

Yes I agree, please report this assault. If a stranger hit u in the street you'd presumably be looking for the nearest officer so your ex should be treat exactly the same. What a complete wanker! I wouldn't wanna be anywhere near him unless there were other adults present and only if completely necessary. He's obv unpredictable so teach him a lesson he won't forget and report jim to the police.

MoominPie22 · 15/01/2016 11:30

Him not jim. Fat fingers on a phone

goddessofsmallthings · 15/01/2016 11:38

Unfortunately the fact is that only a court of law has the right to deny him contact with his dc because he smacked the OP,melons.

The OP could temporarily suspend contact pending arrrangements being put into place for handovers to be facilitated via a third party such as a friend or relative, but she will need to take into account the feelings of the dc who may look forward seeing their df and become upset if they're unable to do so.

FunkyColdOedema · 15/01/2016 11:46

Imperial that's exactly why, he's still very angry about our breakup and it bothers him to see I'm okay. There's no bruising. God, I almost fell into minimising what happened, but if anyone did that to my children or if a stranger did it of course I'd agree it was unacceptable behaviour.

OP posts:

summerwinterton · 15/01/2016 12:15

I hope you do call the police.

I am concerned he is in your home - doorstep handovers only. And tbh I would be considering supervised contact only, if that. He has no rights to see dc at all btw - it is their right to see him, and only if that is safe.

goddessofsmallthings · 15/01/2016 12:23

I don't have any compunction about saying that in the circumstances you've described you must report this incident to the police as there's every reason to suppose that he'll do it again if he's not stopped in his tracks now.

If you don't report it you'll be condoning his behaviour and giving him a green light to repeat it.

FunkyColdOedema · 15/01/2016 12:24

Definitely doorstep handovers from now on. My DC are young, they still miss their dad so for their sake I'll continue to let him see them but I'm hoping a third party can help with the handovers.

OP posts:

summerwinterton · 15/01/2016 12:32

I think you also need to report it due to any future contact issues. If you ever need to stop or limit contact you will need to show what he has done, so by telling police, hv, gp etc what happened you are protecting all of you.

ImperialBlether · 15/01/2016 15:00

What's stopping you from reporting, it?

If you have a daughter and she said her boyfriend had hit her, would you advise her to say nothing?

ImperialBlether · 15/01/2016 15:00

Sorry, not calling you 'it'!

Mrskeats · 15/01/2016 17:13

Please report this
I didn't report the first time and it got worse

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/01/2016 19:03

. Report the beast. He aught to be ashamed of him self hitting not only a women but the mother of his children.

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