I'm 56, divorced last year after a long marriage. XH cheated and was a generally controlling arse (whole other story)
So I've been getting stronger, accepted I'll probably always have some trust issues, would never leap into a serious relationship. But I was starting to consider online dating, - I'd like some nice male companionship, I;d like some sex frankly - it's been two years.
Then XH does one of his total idiot rants again (for financial reasons we are still sharing the house -but live in separate parts of it and have little contact), it was about nothing as usual (it was about my "wastage" of carrots in fact - and involved him yelling abuse at my daughter and me, slamming doors, holding them shut so people couldn't get in and out, putting his hands right up to people's faces and being generally aggro. Same old same old. He's never actually physically violent, but he tries to be intimidating)
Then a hour later he comes creeping to me all 'reasonable and 'lets discuss carrots sensibly' (yes I know it's fucking laughable but this is the level of his scrambled head state). I was polite and said I was really not keen on discussing anything with him, we are divorced now, I employed a lawyer in order to avoid stupid arguments. Since then the house has been full of the stench of burning martyr and banging of doors from him.
Sorry this is long and rambling - I'm looking at flats to rent - it will be a struggle but worth it. But my main point is can I possibly ever stand being with another man again - I don't know if I can - I cannot bear this petty squabbling, this weird intimidation, the invasion of my space. But I don't want to be a lonely old woman, I'd like to feel love or at least fondness for someone again. I've never had a relationship with a man who was kind, I seem to have always made bad choices, even before XH.
My head is so screwed, I want to shout 'no more, please no more' I sometimes feels I hate men (I know that's unfair, I know there are lovely men out there) I;m torn between wanting some sort of normal friendly relationship and male company and a sort of deep rooted distrust and suspicion of all males,
Has anyone else felt like this and got past it, or should I just stick to life on my own - I'm not unhappy alone, and I don;t want to live with someone again, but I'm not desperately happy either and would like a bit of fun of every kind with a man. I'm talking affection and physical closeness as much as just sex.
Really feeling quite shit. Thanks if you;ve got to the end of this ramble.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Stomach in knots again. No more men in my life ever ?
KurriKurri · 15/01/2016 00:25
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.