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am i being manipulated

(6 Posts)
xxbexx123 Sun 10-Jan-16 21:04:52

hi .
ive recently split from partner of 6 years , we have 3 children, im at my wits end he keeps threatening suicide if i dont get back with him , this is a little more difficult for me as my previous partner actually commited suicide i was with him for 5 years, people say my ex was controlling but im so loud and bubbly i didnt believe them , but now we have split i feel i cannot make a decision with out his approval, i dyed my hair yesterday and he went mad today saying why have you done that ? as he didnt like it , theres other things aswell like going through my phone bills and ringing numbers off there, he has wished me dead etc the list goes on , anyway is this controlling behaviour? without sounding stupid because believe me i feel stupid right now , i feel i am not in control of my own mind and im going insane , i suppose i dont want to believe that someone i once loved has turned out like this, please help sad

Redhound Sun 10-Jan-16 21:09:35

That is at the extreme end of manipulative, sounds awful. You need to make some serious distance between you both and your sanity will return! x

xxbexx123 Sun 10-Jan-16 21:16:47

a few people have said the same thing but i just carnt see it , does that mean theres something wrong with me ? how could someone do that to someone they love , its¶eally confusing and whats more frustrating is i feel i carnt make a decision without asking him first ,

Redhound Sun 10-Jan-16 22:15:57

Its nothing to do with you it's him, he sounds abusive and controlling. My ex was like that. Its just how they are, you cannot change them. I am fine now I'm free of mine. You will be too x

sykadelic Mon 11-Jan-16 01:43:01

He threatens suicide as a method to control you. It will be HIS choice, and his choice alone, if he chooses to go through with it. You are not making him do it, you are simply choosing not to be controlled, and remember...

.. you already HAVE made decisions without asking him:
1. leaving him
2. staying apart from him
3. dying your hair

The first 2 were huge (correct) decisions and the last might seem like a small one but you did something for yourself without asking for approval, so that's still a big one.

Sweetandsour93 Mon 11-Jan-16 02:00:51

He does sound really manipulative, I have had friends in similar relationships where their partners didn't trust them and would check phone bills, texts etc and get them to change their hair and clothes. It is terribly controlling and invasive, it wears you down and I think the more time apart from him the better. It's hard after so long together but it does sound unhealthy. Focus on the children and your independence.

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