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stbx suddenly being extremely nice

(30 Posts)
pissedonatrain Sun 10-Jan-16 08:04:45

Not sure what to make of this but it seems sus to me.

Since the New Year, my stbx is being extremely nice to me; doing all the things I wished he would do during our marriage.

Actually remembering what I say and taking an interest in me. It is like he changed over night from silent treatment constantly picking on me to super attentive nice guy.

He seems to be adamant about being my friend after the divorce but frankly he can fuck right off. We aren't friends.

Anyone have their stbx do this and what do you think he is up to?

12purpleapples Sun 10-Jan-16 08:08:39

Is he trying to get you back?

Geekology Sun 10-Jan-16 08:11:31

It doesn't matter what he's up to. You get to define whether he's in or out of your friendship group especially if it was bad behaviour on his part that led to the split.

Blue14 Sun 10-Jan-16 08:17:24

do you have children? Obviously if you do, maintaining a friendly relationship is best all round. Or maybe he just regrets being an idiot now, and wants to part on good terms.

abbsismyhero Sun 10-Jan-16 08:18:06

yes my ex is abusive though if you google the the cycle of abuse you will see the situation im in! he wants me back despite the social worker telling us if i got involved with him again i would lose my children basically he is that bad he doesn't want the kids he just wants me to control again

scary isnt it

Savagebeauty Sun 10-Jan-16 08:20:19

Mine went through every emotion under the sun.
And still is even though we've been divorced a year...sending best wishes for a happy new year, then two days later threatening to cut maintenance by a further 50%. angry

girlsyearapart Sun 10-Jan-16 08:21:00

New Years resolution hmm ?

pissedonatrain Sun 10-Jan-16 08:36:35

No children and that is the reason he's leaving me after 10 years because I can't have any; something he knew 10 years ago.

He's been vile to me culminating with him telling me on Christmas Eve that he no longer loved me when I was sobbing about my mum being in hospital.

Threefishys Sun 10-Jan-16 09:24:46

He's probably as confused as you are...dont we all run the gamut over emotions during this time? It's an emotional rollercoaster for everyone involved I would say. Perhaps he feels bad for leaving you even though it's the right thing for him maybe it's guilt who knows. The best thing you can do is try to accept that him being vile and him being extra nice are extremes of his personality as he processes the break up.. and that he actually lies in the middle - like most people.

DoreenLethal Sun 10-Jan-16 09:28:42

Don't trust him, let him waste his time whilst you carry on planning your divorce.

pissedonatrain Sun 10-Jan-16 09:36:34

He has treated me horribly and I don't trust him.

Threefishys Sun 10-Jan-16 09:41:55

You don't need to trust him. You're not in. relationship anymore.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 10-Jan-16 10:11:41

Maybe he thought you didn't look upset enough about being left.

pissedonatrain Sun 10-Jan-16 10:34:30

We're not in the marriage anymore but he sure wants to keep butting into my business!

financialwizard Sun 10-Jan-16 10:36:43

Don't tell him anything. Cut contact if you can and just carry on with the divorce. Honestly it will save your sanity.

timelytess Sun 10-Jan-16 10:36:44

He wants you as an on-the-side shag. He knows what works with you and is using it in the hope you'll put out.

Threefishys Sun 10-Jan-16 10:42:50

OP you were clearly together a long time - little secret we don't know often hear a lot about on MN - men have feelings too..I know! Who knew??! Seriously I think he's just trying to be nice after he's hurt you - I'm still nice to my ex even though he's a complete knob - why ? Because I feel guilty that I ended our relationship and I want to be nice. Maybe even though he's ended things he's struggling to drop the connection - I honestly think everyone who's been through a big break up no matter whether they caused it or not goes through these same confusing stages. Just disengage to save your sanity if that helps.

NickiFury Sun 10-Jan-16 10:45:55

I think he doesn't want to be The Bad Guy. If he's lovely and kind to you now then that helps keep his conscious clear. Some people have very short memories, they think they can behave like intolerable arseholes but then throw you a few bones that make it up to you and hopefully you'll forget all about it.

Threefishys Sun 10-Jan-16 10:48:35

Or Nicki he's trying to be nice and hoping OP will be able to accept that he made the cut and it was excruciating but he still cares about her he just had to end the relationship?

pissedonatrain Sun 10-Jan-16 10:48:59

He certainly doesn't want a shag. He spent the last year rejecting me and telling me he preferred porn as it was less trouble than trying to please someone else.

I'll just tell him not to bother me anymore. He may feel guilty or whatever but I'm not here to appease his guilt or try to make him feel better as he certainly had no regard for me or my feelings.

Readysteadyknit Sun 10-Jan-16 10:51:40

Is he trying to be your "friend" so he can push through an unfavourable financial settlement - my ex is always friendly when he is about to do something unreasonable.

Threefishys Sun 10-Jan-16 10:54:00

Quite right OP that seems cut and dried then .

NickiFury Sun 10-Jan-16 14:46:43

Maybe in la la land three but as the OP says he's been "vile" towards towards her and she has not trust for him, would be surprising if he started being a decent guy now.

pocketsaviour Sun 10-Jan-16 15:23:31

I would suspect that he probably needs to see himself as a "nice person" despite being markedly not a nice person, and if he can say "See I am still friends with Pissedonatrain even after we divorced" then he can tell himself he must be nice otherwise you wouldn't be friends.

Tell him to fuck off. Assuming all the financial side of things is settled, there is no reason for him to ever contact you again. Block his number, block him on FB if you've got it (block first before defriending otherwise you'll still see him on mutual friends' posts) and make this year the year you make yourself happy and stop worrying about the feelings of people who've been total cunts to you.

Gliblet Sun 10-Jan-16 15:27:08

Readysteadyknit beat me to it! My first thought was 'what's he about to try and swindle you out of?'

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