Please help me understand my feelings on this because I shoujdnt care and I wish I didn't.
I was with him for 13 years, met when I was 17 so spent my entire adult life with him until three years ago when I left him. He was a serial adulterer, had many many affairs and did some unforgivable things to me including cheating throughout my pregnancy, eventually leaving me days before I gave birth and then came back when she broke it off. There were occasions where I would wake up and he was having sex with me. He was emotionally and financially abusive towards me and treated me like a house maid, constantly shouting at me for not doing enough housework, expected his dinner on the table when he came back from work. He was awful with money, never paid bills.
The straw that broke the camels back was yet another affair and I finally reached rock bottom with him. Nobody could understand why I was with him. On top of the awful way in which he treated me he is very physically unattractive (I'm not shallow by any means so overlooked this), he had a drink problem, is fat and has terrible personal hygiene. In hindsight I only stayed because I felt sorry for him and my self esteem was in tatters. I have spent a lot of time feeling angry at myself for staying, for all those wasted years. I was not perfect towards him but I treated him well and was faithful throughout.
Our relationship as co parents remains very strained. He will openly argue in front of our dc, has owed me money since our separation which he won't pay back, and is generally just entitled and difficult - same as when we were together really. I supported him through joblessness and a career change but he refuses to do any school runs or have the dc outside of his contact so I am stuck doing part time work and all the responsibility towards the dc falls to me. He swans off on mini-breaks and stag dos, announcing that he can't have the kids but if I ask he always says no so my social life is planned carefully around the DC. He just seems to have the best of all worlds - a good career, a good social life and the fun bits of parenting.
He has had several GFs since, all were drug or alcohol abusers. He only ever seems to stay with them a few months before moving on but introduces our dc to them each time. I have also moved on, I'm with a thoroughly decent guy who is the polar opposite of XH and treats me very well. I'm very happy with him.
So to the problem, XH told me recently that he had met someone and is thinking of introducing our DC to her. Afaik, he was still with the last one, I didn't event know about the new gf even though he's apparently been with her a few months and is 'really into this one'. I checked her out on facebook and was surprised to discover she is quite attractive which has really bothered me.
Throughout his vile treatment, I consoled myself with the fact that he'd never get anyone like me but that's obviously not true. He doesn't deserve to be happy. He doesn't deserve anyone nice.
Please can someone help me understand this? I'm not a believer in karma or divine justice and I'm reeling from the outright injustice of it all. I feel like I was robbed of my happiness for well over a decade and he continues to make my life difficult. Where are his just desserts? Where is his pain? I thought I had reached a point of indifference so I'm shocked at how much this has bothered me .
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I'm angry that XH has moved on. Please help me get a little perspective.
PoppetyPoppet · 07/01/2016 18:28
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