Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

AIBU to expect more

(11 Posts)
Member569243 Wed 06-Jan-16 19:47:46

We have been married for 20+ yeear but split for 7 months 3 years ago.
Since the reconcilation I have talked about an eternity ring as a nice way celebrate getting back together. I looked around (alone) but never took it any further.
Whilst away on a romatic break I say a small silver ring in a craft jewellers and after trying it on and then asking to go back to try it on again said that I would like it. Husband duly offered to pay £35 for it and I was happy.
When we left the shop I said thanks that was very kind of you to which he replied "Thats your eternity ring sorted - you can't leave me now"
I was shocked and hurt but didn't say so as I didn't want to spoilt the holiday.
It really ate away at me and I mentioned to him during a disgreement that it wasn't an eternity ring and that since he had spent tens of thousands on his business in recent months then £35 for an "etenity ring" for his beloved wife wasn't on.
The issue of not leaving him didn't come up - but that bothers me too!
His repsonse was that it was the thought that counts (erm what I had aksed for it) and that all I think about it money.....which is a common theme he uses against me.
I now can't wear the ring because it just makes me sad and angry.
Am I ungrateful?

Marchate Wed 06-Jan-16 19:56:10

No, he is being nasty. It's not an eternity ring, and even if it were it's not a shackle!

buckingfrolicks Wed 06-Jan-16 21:05:55

yes, I think you are being a bit ungrateful, if he is otherwise generous and loving. Perhaps he isn't as romantic as you - or as into symbols as you.

How much did you expect an 'eternity' ring to cost? What price, approximately, would meet your need to have a bit of metal to symbolise your commitment?

isn't that what your wedding ring was for?

0dfod Wed 06-Jan-16 21:11:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HanSolo Wed 06-Jan-16 21:15:52

Why did you temporarily separate?

I don't think you should compare business investment with personal spending btw. Your family benefits if the business does well. A ring is just a symbol worn on a finger.

AutumnLeavesArePretty Wed 06-Jan-16 21:17:36

Money doesn't equate to love, you sound very grabby.

You liked the ring, dropped many hints and now it's not cost enough for your liking.

Shutthatdoor Wed 06-Jan-16 21:22:31

I have to say you are sounding a bit grabby. How much exactly would you like him to spend?

Joysmum Wed 06-Jan-16 21:24:19

I wouldn't want or need a ring. I didn't have an engagement ring because I told DH I would prefer the money to go towards the wedding. I've just realised I've forgotten to put my wedding ring on again.

This isn't about me though. My DH appreciates I'm not like everyone else and does what's important to me.

Your DH knows what was important to you and still didn't. I just don't understand why a ring would make the difference to you when even if you got the ring he's not making you feel cherished.

lexib Wed 06-Jan-16 21:27:22

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I don't know how you can deal with it now without it looking like a money issue.

Think I'd maintain its not an eternity ring but let actually getting one drop, and then later on explain how romantic it would be to mark your reunion in that way. Perhaps seeing a ring on a trip or something a bit more incidental. I don't think you'll win the argument at the moment.

category12 Wed 06-Jan-16 21:33:37

Well, he's obviously not interested in buying you an eternity ring or in what it symbolises for you.

So, how important was it to you and is there something else that would appeal to you both - renewing vows or something? If he's not remotely interested in celebrating your reunion (and 3 years on, I think he's over it).

I think the time for that as a reason has passed. So what's missing for you, assuming the ring represents more than just something expensive and pretty?

loveyoutothemoon Wed 06-Jan-16 21:36:12

A bit ungrateful.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now