Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

New relationship - naked worries - help!

(29 Posts)
annabelsmeatballs Wed 06-Jan-16 17:20:21

I have a new relationship and we've slept together 6 times now and it's been pretty bloody brilliant. We get on well, but it's a very new relationship and thus far when we have had sex I have been very careful that my flaws are not quite as visible. For example, I have worn a lot of clever lingerie, a lot of suspenders and corsets and body stockings and all the fun stuff. I have been completely naked with him but only laying down.

Now we're meeting up and he has dscribed what he wants me to wear and been quite specific and while I find it really sexy I would look absolutely booody awful because of my tummy.

I am not talking Bridget Jones being a size 12 and thinking she's fat, I am talking about have an abolutely disgusting flabby belly!

What should I do? Just wear something else and not mention it?

Jan45 Wed 06-Jan-16 17:22:22

Wear what you want to wear, he will love it anyway!

tanyadm Wed 06-Jan-16 17:25:25

I am going to make a complete hypocrite of myself here, as it's something I hugely worry about, and am just dabbling with dating and the man I am chatting with is fit and athletic, and I am not, and the voice in my head just keeps telling me he would find me disgusting.

BUT you are in a relationship with this man, he obviously likes you and finds you sexually attractive so maybe don't overthink it? If you don't feel physically confident wearing whatever it is, don't do it! You'll find it harder to have fun if you are worrying. But if you can let go of your worries and want to, go for it!

Cabrinha Wed 06-Jan-16 17:57:33

You're not comfortable with him yet, fine - you've not been together long.

Obviously I think you should accept your body and expect him to accept it too.

And obviously moving around confidently does WONDERS.

But realistically, I hear you!
Tbh, I'd text him and tease him about "no getting it all his own way just yet" and having to wait for that - but that I'd filed it away for future reference wink and might surprise him one day.

Then wear something that works for you.

It's no good if you're going to be love like this after a few months, but I think if you need a confidence boost, it's fine to dress creatively for now.

Maybe there's one element of his request that you can let him gave grin

user7755 Wed 06-Jan-16 18:00:23

He's told you what he wants you to wear? confused

sije Wed 06-Jan-16 18:06:08

Can't imagine anyone telling me to wear for any reason whatsoever. I would just do what I feel comfortable with, unless of course you've issued him with instructions as well.

0dfod Wed 06-Jan-16 18:29:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

annabelsmeatballs Wed 06-Jan-16 18:47:19

It's not being genrally not comfortable with what I have - it's more that I just came to the point of realising I gained a stone and a half from my normal weight and it's all round the middle. So the day before my pal had been over doing weigh ins and signing up for weight watchers and the gym so it was me being at my least body confident.

I like dressing up for him, but all pairs of knickers were not created equal were they, an d frankly it'd look like Free Willy part 4!

Oh I like him telling me what to wear, I find it very sexy and we are very playful and open with each other but he seems to be completely blind to how fat I am

user7755 Wed 06-Jan-16 18:51:16

That's your answer then, he's blind to your size.

although if anyone told me what to wear I'd tell them where to go, even if it was supposed to be for fun

PushingThru Wed 06-Jan-16 18:52:07

The OP has said she finds the request to wear certain stuff sexy; I don't think you can extrapolate from that into anything sinister! It sounds like a two way conversation where she's given encouragement! OP, soft, dim lighting is very flattering if you're feeling a bit self conscious, but bear in mind he's not going to be looking at the bits of yourself you don't like in the same way you do!

JanuaryKat Wed 06-Jan-16 18:54:24

Wear what you want & feel confident in!

A few months ago I was told what to wear - stockings & a smile...... 'lol' hmm - I'm 44 ffs & have 4 kids.

He's an ex now grin

flatbellyfella Wed 06-Jan-16 18:56:06

Wear what you are comfortable with, if you feel sexy in yourself & he puts you down, he is not worth keeping. You can not hide your stomach under clothes forever, if this progresses.

annabelsmeatballs Wed 06-Jan-16 19:06:57

I can do stockings and a smile! Just a tiny G-string...there would be a massive muffin top hanging over the top!!!

He deifnitely would never put me down, he's lovely. I just didn't know what to do. I think just wear what I normally would and after a month at weight watchers will wear the little g-string. I'd feel so self conscious otherwise.

AuntieStella Wed 06-Jan-16 19:08:40

I vaguely remember a bloody brilliant post about this from one of the male MNetters. I'll see if a I can find it.

annabelsmeatballs Wed 06-Jan-16 19:12:04

Thanks AuntieStella.

I feel like he must look at me through totally rose tinted glasses.

And no, he isn't a fatty fetishist. I have seen photos of his (slim) exes :O

I do know I have nice bits, but the tummy is awful and back fat too. Not feeling my best at all and the big caesarian scar doesn't help at seems to create a muffing top

fieldfare Wed 06-Jan-16 19:25:01

You can get some thongs that are high legged enough to disguise your tummy. I'm a size 18 and have some. My favourite one was from debenhams I think.
He obviously fancies you and doesn't see the same things you do. Be confident in his attraction to you.

0dfod Wed 06-Jan-16 20:22:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justaboy Wed 06-Jan-16 22:03:43

annabelsmeatballs Errm, if you have been with him then unless it's his first encounter then he will have a very good idea of just how little or large the rest of you is or is not. It seems he's well into you pardon the punn and I think the real problem is in your head not the bit around the middle!

Stop worrying and enjoy it all, and if he wanted to you wear anything in particular then well why not just do it?, if you want anything else then just do it or agree on it, sounds like you have a good thing on the go there!.

As to any flabby bits well why not try to tone them up a bit if it makes you feel better about yourself:-)

SelfLoathing Wed 06-Jan-16 22:42:56

If it's a g-string you are talking about specifically, you can get higher cut g-strings that virtually cover your whole stomach. And ones that are a bit lacey/sexy rather than sloggi types! You just need to shop around.

My other tip is that if you are self concious, you need to bin all self conciousness when it comes to sizing! If necessary get a size bigger than normal (or the size that you are kidding yourself you currently are! We all do it!) so nothing cuts into your flesh and it just rests comfortably on your skin. If it makes you feel better cut the sizing label out of it!

Enjoy it though! I think it is true that men generally are pleased to have a naked woman in the room and aren't really that bothered about wobbly bits!!

SelfLoathing Wed 06-Jan-16 22:52:57

Eg. compare the "waist"/top of this one (which is closer to belly button)

with this one:

That was the work of two minutes! If you shop around online, I'm sure you'll find something that fits the bill!

And repeat - don't skimp on sizing!

SelfLoathing Wed 06-Jan-16 22:54:01

Sorry - meant compare with this one!

annabelsmeatballs Wed 06-Jan-16 23:16:24

I think it was just the phrase "tiny panties" that sent me into a spin.

I know he finds me very sexy, and I am not being all silly about it, I am carrying a lot of extra weight around that middle bit that needs to be sorted. I will have the willpower to do it.

I do have g-strings, and my backside and thighs are fine, just the belly. I do think (sorry) that men can be a bit blinded by lust to a woman's flaws naked and we might be harder on ourselves but for sure we all know what we can get away with and what we can't and I genuinely don't look nice in what he wants me to wear.

It's ok, I think I will just wear something close-ish and make him forget he ever asked!

Thanks everyone.

annabelsmeatballs Wed 06-Jan-16 23:16:43

(thanks self loathing...they do look fab!)

JohnThomas69 Thu 07-Jan-16 03:53:05

You have to laugh at the 'he told you what to wear brigade???!!!' it's what keeps me coming back to these forums. I can't figure out whether it's the old stuffy uptight never had a man with a pulse or just hyper critical need to sow a few seeds of doubt because they sound too happy types.
The op quite clearly stated that she and her partner enjoy this type of conversation. I'm thinking that they have some fun with it. It doesn't sound like he's the type that would take exception to the anticipated dress code not being adhered to.
Just looking for issues where they don't exist. Abysmally depressing.

Cabrinha Thu 07-Jan-16 06:59:13

Ugh. I was one of the early posters who thinks the requests thing is sexy.
But no no no to a man who uses the word "panties".

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: