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Love my husband but love my own space (more??!)

(9 Posts)
holly47 Tue 05-Jan-16 16:36:46

My DH is great...kind, patient, lovely with the kids...but I feel increasingly that i just love my own space...physical space and headspace. Sometimes I get so irritated by having to engage with another adult or having another human being there in the evenings!! I feel that I look forward too much to the (rare) nights when he goes out so I can have the living room to myself and just enjoy total peace!! We both work nearly full time and have young children. Interestingly, I don't feel like this at all around my children. I am quite happy for them to jabber on! The irony is that my husband is really low key and chilled out. I just feel that life is really routine and there's very little to break up the monotony.

When people talk about their husbands travelling with work, I sometimes feel a bit envious, although I know that brings its own stresses. I always feel that it must be nice to have that dynamic of looking forward to seeing someone, and having a bit of time to yourself in between. Whereas we are pretty much always both there.

I feel like I am turning into a grumpy old woman ahead of time or having some kind of mid life crisis! I am really resourceful in my own company and can spend hours pottering about doing my own thing. I just feel that maybe I have no energy left over for my relationship sometimes....

Has anyone else ever felt like this?

gottachangethename1 Tue 05-Jan-16 16:44:25

Yes. I'm exactly like this and think it's probably far more common than people care to admit. Am watching this thread with interest.

Tigs0609 Tue 05-Jan-16 16:47:36

Me! I love my own space. After the babies gone to bed, me & DP have an hour or two doing something we each want to do on our own. Then phones/games consoles or whatever are off and we talk about our day/make time for each other before we go to bed. Everyone wins!

goddessofsmallthings Tue 05-Jan-16 16:49:41

This is why I live alone with a non-chatty cat for company. grin

helhathnofury Tue 05-Jan-16 16:56:06

Absolutely feel like that, and causing tension in our house. I'm sahm of school age kids so can't even use the excuse of dealing with people all day. Though not sure in my case if it's would rather have my own space or dh just irritates the hell out of me. I put it down to being an only child, don't feel the need for chit chat.

RingDownRingUp Tue 05-Jan-16 17:01:01

Me too. Dh is the same too, thank goodness.

We both have 9-10pm as our alone time to do our own thing in separate rooms! I get very very tetchy if I don't have this alone time.

FourForYouGlenCoco Tue 05-Jan-16 17:08:04

Yep, I adore my DH, am so happily married, but he works away (leaves Sunday eve, back Friday eve) and truthfully I love it. I do miss him but I just love my own space, my own time, not having to answer to anyone or chat in the evenings. We are moving to live together full-time again later this year and honestly I'm apprehensive that I'm going to struggle. I will definitely be making sure I establish some of my own time to be left alone - for me it's an absolute necessity. However I'm also expecting DC2 around the time we'll be moving so will probably be glad of the extra pair of hands. At the moment it's me and DD the majority of the time and I really like it that way. Thankfully my DH knows what I'm like so will be fine if I tell him I need to go away and ignore him for a while!

Titsywoo Tue 05-Jan-16 17:45:34

I used to feel like that. Then DH got promoted and spent lots of time in the evening working and travels with work for weeks at a time. After the first few trips I got bored and now I miss him loads when he goes. The grass is always greener grin

pocketsaviour Tue 05-Jan-16 18:12:56

Yep. I am single now but felt like this during my marriage and my last LTR.

While married my H and I both had our individual interests. In the evenings he would mainly watch TV while I would be surfing the net. We had one evening a week where we did something together (usually watched a film.)

In my last LTR he worked away a fair bit, which meant we could tolerate each other's company more when he was home (god that sounds awful, but I'm sure you know exactly what I mean!) If he wasn't working away much then we would tend to fall into him watching TV and I'd be reading, or studying/working.

I am the same way with my DS though. I used to look forward to bedtime with a passion grin He is an adult now and when he comes to stay I struggle to endure more than about 3 days with him before I'm climbing the walls. I don't think I would choose another relationship where I lived with the person.

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