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Just make mistake after mistake, feel like a rubbish mother - feeling down(7 Posts)
I blame myself for being selfish.
I had 12 years of happy marriage before dc came along, so much time to myself and was perfectly happy and chilled.
I now have 2 very wanted children 1 and almost 3 but I just don't feel I'm a great mother.
I actually like working as I really don't enjoy day after day by myself with my two children. I find its lonely and boring and relentless and extremely hard work.
My son, in particular is very hard work, always crying or moaning about something. One day he will like something, to eat for example, and the next day he will throw a complete wobbly over it. All a natural part of growing up but I'm just so bad a managing him.
Today was awful, another day of the very long holidays with just me and the 2 dc and we are toilet training eldest. I asked him if he needed a pee and he said no and the next minute he said "all wet" as he had just peed all over the sofa. Rather than go to the toilet which is 10 paces away he wet himself. I know all the advice about keeping it easy going when toilet training but just can't apply it. I scolded him. That's not good parenting, I know.
I feel everything is a chore.
We've moved house and I had no support or friends. My mum has a better social life than I do. Dh works v long shifts and I'm by myself a lot.
I'm just not able to sit and play with the children constantly as I've things to do and I just feel like screaming that I want some time to myself.
If I leave the room for a minute, say to empty the bin or take rubbish out. My 1 year old cries and my son will scream "mummeeeeee" in the most aggravating way. I just can't get a minute.
Surely it's not normal to feel like this?
I just wish I had some help or support. I'm not very good at making friends, I don't know where to start. I think it's the product of being brought up in a very extreme religion where we weren't encouraged to "mix".
Thanks to anyone who read this.
Oh - believe me, it IS PERFECTLY FUCKING NORMAL!
I went back to work when dd was 6 months as I was going INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE!
I think some people enjoy it more.
me prefer working, coming home, cuddling, paying for expert childcare, homework, cooking, packing lunches, baths, reading at bedtime etc.
Have you the opportunity to consider returning to work? Financially etc.?
It's MY normal anyway! I couldn't cope with not being a person in my own right anymore. I was literally losing my mind. The decision to go back to work came when my friend arrived one day and I went into the 'baby' talk - Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii - aren't you looking lovelyyyyyyyyyyyyyy'. All I was short of doing was saying coochy coo to her and pinching her cheeks!
It does sound like hard work. Toilet training can be an especially difficult phase. And working means you have more chores to do in the time you are also spending with the kids. Are there any activities which you can all do together and enjoy. Even a couple of fun hours can make the day seem easier.
Also it's worth getting Gina ford's Toilet training in 1 week book. I found it invaluable
Totally normal mine are 2yrs 4 months and 1yr they drive me potty sometimes.
For getting jobs done I get the big one involved, it started with helping me put clothes in the washing basket/machine, helping me sweep, wash up/dry plastic dishes etc. Now he can go a 'do' jobs himself. I just walk slow and tell the one yr old to follow mostly she is with fine.with that now but at the start I could literally only take a step at a time.
Also just prioritise what you do - simple meals, no ironing. Etc
Jasper, believe me, you're just in the parenting loop. So much of it is grim. It's chores and little reward amongst the grind.
I still remember, although my own are well grown now, that telling you it won't be like this for ever, is of absolutely no use.
I relocated with a v young DC and then became pregnant, no family, no friends nearby and DH working away a lot, with very long hours when he was home based. It's tough. Toilet training can be very, very tough going and frustrating.
Everything you're feeling is absolutely par for the course.
It seems like for ever, but it will pass sooner than you think and those grim times will fade away. Honestly
Normal don't give yourself a hard time. I went back to work when DD was 1 that was not my original plan but I was lonely and bored. I love DD to bits but never really enjoyed the whole getting in their level and playing games with them (bad mum!). I enjoyed days out at zoos, farms etc but I just found days at home tedious. DD never entertained herself, I longed to just go for a wee alone without her either being in the room or shouting mummy over and over from the other side of the door. She'd be hanging off my legs whilst I washed up and I found it pretty intense, especially when they are up at the crack of dawn.
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