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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

help me cope with in laws

19 replies

LondonStill83 · 27/12/2015 12:15

I think is thread would be more suitable to chat but I can't figure out how to start a chat on the mobile app.

Am on day 4/5 at in laws and need some stories to keep me sane. I love my in laws really and do realise how lucky I am, but they are small town somewhat right wing British and I am big city very liberal left wing Canadian.

Got "the look" this morning when I said I would not be accompanying DH to visit his annoying mysogynistic (sp?) self absorbed friend with three poorly behaved children... Same look I get when I say I don't iron for DH (or myself)... Type of people who give bigger portions to men and serve them first, butter the bread for the men, etc.

Not bad, just different. They are super welcoming and treat me like family but MiL can be quietly judge mental and a bit passive aggressive and I am done with playing nice for this year.

Tell me your stories and tips!

OP posts:

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Floralnomad · 27/12/2015 12:18

My only advice would be don't stay so long next time / stay in a hotel nearby and eat all the bread and butter !

Floralnomad · 27/12/2015 12:19

Oh and give your MIL the phone number of a local ironing service , life's too short to do your own ironing .

petalsandstars · 27/12/2015 12:23

My ILs have left today after arriving early Christmas day. They did not use the shower or bath their whole stay.

LondonStill83 · 27/12/2015 12:27

Flora, god, if only!

I wanted to leave today, clearly stating why to DH. He insisted we stay tomorrow. This morning my displeasure was evident, and I say to DH I want to go home, I am bored (there is NOTHING to do here), I want to be enjoying my time off in my own house, etc.

He throws a strop and says "we will know for next time".

No, I knew for this time DH, your stubborn inability to see your family as anything but the perfect Christmas haven disagreed.

So far today we have talked about the route I will be driving home (again), the services on the way (again), what we will be doing for NYE (again), how inappropriate it is for DSIL's friend to be walking her newborn baby outside IN THE RAIN (again)...

Have had the "which tassimo coffee would you like" chat for the nine hundredth time (always americano thanks), and on and on and on.

As I am the driver I will be staying three days and two nights next time and DH can crawl home if he wants!!!

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LondonStill83 · 27/12/2015 12:28

Petals- yuck!!!

Next time they come, put plastic covers on the sofa and air fresheners in every room :-)

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YouthHostellingWithChrisEubank · 27/12/2015 12:30

My ILs came to stay a month over Christmas when my dc2 was a week old. They barely left the house, they just sat and watched me cry deal with my newborn. They told DH I was "surly" because I asked them to do their own washing instead of leaving it for us to do.

By the way they were meant to come for a week but "made a mistake" with their flights... They're actually lovely, they just go a bit doollally when a baby arrives.

Good luck OP!

LondonStill83 · 27/12/2015 12:34

Oh gosh who stays for a MONTH with a mother who has a new born!!! That's awful and I would have politely but firmly directed them to a hotel.

My folks live in Canada so not just a hop to visit if we had a baby, but they would just stay at a hotel and do their own thing, offering to help whenever possible...

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LondonStill83 · 27/12/2015 15:22

Just had a 30 minute story about "the Indians who Mann the talk talk lines" culminating in a- wait for it- 12 month discount.

And then a loooooong conversation about which roundabouts are most troublesome in the area...

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TwoKettles · 27/12/2015 18:19

My MIL had a 45 minute conversation about sandwiches at me once. Almost as good as the time I was stuck on the motorway, listening to cricket on the radio with them. Get a trashy novel, fake a cough or tummy bug and get thee back to bed!

LondonStill83 · 27/12/2015 18:36

Two kettles- if only!

I have already snuck away for a bath and to pack today...

That is all the escape I can do without being considered rude. Even though no one is doing anything now other than falling asleep on chairs and rinsing glasses, it is IMPERATIVE we all do it in the same room... Whilst not watching anything because Agatha Christie's three part thing is on at nine. In two and a half hours.

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PandoNoPants · 27/12/2015 18:51

Ohhhh I hear you! Been with Dh 10 years and I remember the first time he invited me to the PIL for Christmas. His office used to close for Christmas, I had to book the days off in between. It was hellish.

FIL is very old fashioned and MIL does everything for him. He came downstairs and told her his bed needed making and I laughed and said "what's wrong with your arms?" Apparently, um, it wasn't a joke.

I had to sit through hours of shit TV and listen to tales of DH. MIL won't abbreviate my name as I, my family and friends do - she insists on calling me by her own name for me.

Anyway, that first visit...I had a gallbladder infection, had to go to hospital and went home on Dec 27th!

So, Canada for next Christmas? :D

JT05 · 27/12/2015 19:09

You'll miss them when their gone!

JT05 · 27/12/2015 19:10

Or even 'they're gone' oops!

QueenArseClangers · 27/12/2015 19:11

Get absolutely shitfaced

happystory · 27/12/2015 19:25

My dm gave me the towel from her bedroom after three days here and said she 'didn't use it'

petalsandstars · 27/12/2015 20:17

happy you could be my SIL!! If I'd not had ILs this year.

I can't understand how you wouldn't bathe/shower during a visit. Rooms have been thoroughly aired today in my house

LondonStill83 · 27/12/2015 21:04

QueenArse- I have been :-).

I do love them really just four days is way way WAY too many!!! In a tiny house in a tiny town with no escape...

To be fair other than DH and I, I've not seen anyone use the shower or bath here. Though there is always a freshly moistened wash cloth every morning sitting on the sink- near my toothbrush.

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DoreenLethal · 27/12/2015 21:09

Oh OP - I do feel your pain. Luckily my inlaws max out on us [and us them] at 2 hours and honest to goodness that's ample for both parties. They will be here between 3 and 5 tomorrow, have one coffee and a brief chat about the family and that will be it until late spring.

Freshly moistened face cloths - yuk. Makes me shiver just thinking about it.

LondonStill83 · 27/12/2015 22:38

Doreen that sounds about as much as I could take. Dsil and Dbil hosted Christmas (lovely) and then went to Dbil's mums for boxing lunch. Then they were done.

We have had since Christmas Eve and I am ready to claw my own eyeballs out for entertainment...

The level of apathy here is extraordinary. The looks and comments I got when I said I wanted to WALK to the coffee shop in town were equally extraordinary. Why would you walk when there is perfectly good coffee here? dfil could drive you (no, he cant, he had a cataract operation on the 24), you could go tomorrow, why don't you have a bath, and ON and ON until I have up....

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