to think he may as well throw me out and get a housekeeper

[dingit]

He's just rung to say he will be out for the 4th night this week. We never go anywhere anymore. I'm just here to look after the kids and keep house.

Not sure what I want anyone to say. Just needed to say it

[hellsbellsmelons]

And what was your response?
Is this just the tip of the iceberg?

[MoreGilmoreGirls]

Oh dear that sounds unfair. Are there any good points to your relationship? Does he do anything nice? Sorry op. Think you need to have a serious chat with him about this.

[MoominPie22]

I feel exactly the same Dingit. We've become just like housemates. We're just basically co-habiting and living seperate lives . He's the type that never ever talks about his feelings to anyone, let alone me. Whereas I can talk to close friends about the situation and I've tackled him about it but I get sick of being the one making the effort to talk all the time and nothing ever changes.

We've only been married 5yrs but it's like we've nothing to say to one another anymore. It's only my young daughter keeping us together I think. He's so detached and like a bloody monosyllabic robot when I try to have a chat! Bloody tedious now tbh. So you're not alone by any means. Frustrating as hell isn't it?

[kickassangel]

You're a whole load cheaper than a housekeeper/nanny etc. AND he gets to have sex.

Why would he change that arrangement?

I know that's not helpful, but if you really think that's how he sees you, it explains why he stays married.

[ImperialBlether]

Where's he going and who's he going with? What time will he be back?

Four nights in a week would make me think there was another woman involved, tbh.

[MizK]

Sorry he's making you feel like this OP. It is of course an extra busy time atm for social occasions and things, do you have anything planned to cheer you up?
Is there any chance you can get a babysitter and have an evening out together before Christmas? Being out of the house and alone together might give you the chance to talk about things in a neutral environment, rather than when you are seething after he's left you at home with your children again.

Hope you feel better soon and that you say something to him about this before it truly becomes a huge problem. I've been there btw and it was horrible but after lots of rows and compromise we are much happier now.

[antimatter]

I know how that feels. Can you pay to get some help in the evenings?
An experienced nanny would help you with kids and give somd break.

[dingit]

My dc are teens, I don't really need a nanny. We've been married 22 years, together for nearly 30.
He's home now, dd texted him to say I was pissed.
It hasn't really made me feel that much better to be honest, he obviously felt guilty, now I feel guilty as he's cancelled his arrangements.

[antimatter]

why are you feeling guilty?
it was him who should have thought of consequences of not planning his social life and letting you know IN ADVANCE that he is going out.

if your kids are teens then they don't need babysitting so in his eyes you can be left on your own in the evenings.

However by saying I'm just here to look after the kids and keep house. you are indicating that you feel you are just a housekeeper and a nanny (hence my suggestion).