Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Should I try again with him?

(15 Posts)
backto1954 Mon 14-Dec-15 14:55:04

How would you feel about this situation?

We'd been seeing each other casually for 1.5 months. We were sleeping together. We had 7 dates. We had discussed it and had agreed we would be only sleeping with each other. We weren't considering a deep or very long term relationship as both of us only wanted "casual"; but with respect and honesty paramount.

He was continuing texting other people (I was as well) but we'd said we weren't seeing anyone else and definitely not sleeping with others and both had said we were turning down dates and just enjoying each other a bit for now. He ended up having sex with one of the people he was messaging with. It was pre-medicated and not a drunken fumble.

One the one hand we weren't fully in a relationship , and it was very early days and we had agreed "casual" so not sure I can say he cheated on me. One the other hand he lied (by omission at minimum) and we had promised each other total honesty which was the key premise of our arrangement.

I was upset and angry about being lied to, far more upset and angry than I probably should be and it dawned on me that I had feelings for him and I was actually very upset. I cut him off completely and told him not to contact me anymore.

A few months have passed and he has contacted me to tell me he really misses me and wishes he'd not done what he did and is asking for a clean slate. To date "properly".

I'm torn, because I am not sure I can trust him but really would like to be with him. I am still really angry!

hefzi Mon 14-Dec-15 14:59:03

Honestly? No. You had agreed, even if not dating as such, only to sleep with each other. He not only did this, but then lied about this, undermining your joint commitment to total honesty. It was also a deliberate and considered action to do these things.

Look for someone who will honour the promises you make to each other, because you deserve to be treated properly and respected - he has already shown he's unwilling to do that, for whatever reason.

Parker08 Mon 14-Dec-15 15:09:09

Not sure I would trust him if he slept with someone else after only a few weeks.

You could give him one more chance but lay down some ground rules. Don't get emotionally invested quite yet.

category12 Mon 14-Dec-15 15:10:16

Hell no. You had agreed exclusivity sexually - and he arranged to meet someone else and have sex. You would be daft to go back for more of the same (and it would be).

RedMapleLeaf Mon 14-Dec-15 15:10:38

Nah.

RiceCrispieTreats Mon 14-Dec-15 15:20:44

No. He showed his character, didn't he? Lying and breaking trust are relationship killers.

magoria Mon 14-Dec-15 15:20:50

Nope life is too short for someone who lies to you so quickly and easily.

HotNatured Mon 14-Dec-15 15:21:36

No nah, sack off, he lied, that's all you need to know surely

IamlovedbyG Mon 14-Dec-15 15:23:11

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

inlectorecumbit Mon 14-Dec-15 15:24:47

Agree with everyone else nope, no way niet
That ship has sailed.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 14-Dec-15 15:30:24

No no and no again. He contacted you even after you had asked him not to do so.

NKFell Mon 14-Dec-15 15:40:17

If you have any doubt at all, don't do it!

Cabrinha Mon 14-Dec-15 15:52:33

Well here's the deal. He didn't like you enough to want to just be with you. Sorry to be harsh, but honesty is better here I think.

Now that's fine if you both if you both wanted something casual.

But to go out with you properly... never settle for anyone who isn't blown away by you. This man wasn't and isn't blown away by you. If he was he'd have asked not to be casual. Or at the very least, if he didn't feel he could ask, he wouldn't have slept with someone else.

So even without agreeing with the PPs about no trust, I think he's a bad bet.

He's at a loose end and thinks you're guaranteed sex.

backto1954 Mon 14-Dec-15 18:10:13

So...that's a no then?

Always like me to break tension with a joke!! I genuinely wish we'd just met under better circumstances . I'd told him there was seriously chance of a relationship. I just wasn't in the place to want a boyfriend which didn't help things.

I agree though that the lying was bad. Or even wanting to shag her. I think she was giving him more attention than I was. No excuse though sad

Cabrinha Mon 14-Dec-15 18:32:14

I think you were both being pretty foolish. What does casual but no sex with others mean, if you're both openly setting up dates?
What are dates for, if not to lead to sex? (not on the first one necessarily, but that's the point - a relationship of some sorts and sex)

This was no about meeting him at a better time - this was about him not being interested enough to stop looking.

If he'd come to you and said "we're sexually exclusive so I need to tell you that I slept with someone last night. But you know, it just made me realise actually I want a full relationship with you - what do you think?" then I'd have been up for that.

It's been months. That only means one thing. Things have run dry his end.

Don't torture yourself that the timing was wrong. It wasn't, the person was wrong.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now