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where do i stand if me and kids leave DH as he won't budge

11 replies

peppajay · 05/12/2015 18:36

My husband is in a really bad place at the moment and has just had a breakdown in front of the children. Always seems to happen in December and gets worse every year - he works himself into the ground to make extra money for christmas although I don't go stupid and we can manage without the extra but money is is he one of the things he obsesses about along with mess and noise. Our son has aspergers and I am slowly realising that this is probably what he has. Anyway we do nothing together now we work in shifts- me and the kids in the house and he goes out then we go out and he comes home. He cant stand the kids being kids and the mess that they make. The house is his pride and joy and he hates how the kids presence turns it into a bomb site. He makes it immaculate every evening and he then gets up early for his hour of solace in his perfect house before they get up. I have told him now I want out which he says is great because he can have his prefect house back. I don't have anywhere to go so is going to have be a friends house or a hotel for a couple of nights- but he will not leave the house as he loves it to much. So if I intentionally make myself and the kids homeless where do I stand. ??

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pocketsaviour · 05/12/2015 18:42

Do you own or rent your house? Do you yourself work? Are your DC at school?

we work in shifts- me and the kids in the house and he goes out then we go out and he comes home.
I don't understand this, sorry. You and the kids are at home during the day while he works? And then he comes home from work and you go out with the kids to avoid him? Do you come back after he's asleep?

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startrek90 · 05/12/2015 18:43

If you are married with children he can't just have the house. Especially as your child has SN and it's his primary residence. I am afraid your DC take priority. Get legal advice. I think you can get an order to keep the house until your youngest is 18.

Making yourself homeless won't work. Chances are you will have a b n b whilst you wait for a home. Could be a while depending on where you live.

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Akire · 05/12/2015 18:45

It depends on a lot you are married so you have a right to share if the house he has duty to provide a roof over their heads too.
I don't think his right over being in spotless house trumps your children and especially with Aspergers needs to be moved out of his routine his house and possible area.

I would go see proper legal advice. Yes you could move but do you have money for months rent/deposit to move I. Few days? Do you live in an area where there are plenty of places to rent and still close enough to the schools and tote work place?

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Akire · 05/12/2015 18:50

The council will house you if you have nowhere to go but this could be miles and miles away as another poster said and be in b n b in one room.
Can you talk to hubby and agree to seek proper advice? In mean time can you divide the house so he moves into living room makes it his bedroom. And you and the kids live upstairs or visa verse so he has one room and you and kids have rest of the house. Not ideal but may mKe it easier cope until you know what you are doing

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peppajay · 05/12/2015 18:56

Sorry didn't make that very clear. At weekends it doesn't work all being in the house at the same time so he tends to go out in the morning just before we all get up then he comes home and we go out in the afternoon. Early evening is a complete and total nightmare because sometimes we are all in together. Kids and I have tea first then he cooks himself something later. We both work and kids are at school all day so problems only really occur at the weekends.

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SelfRaisingFlour · 05/12/2015 21:46

The Council does not have to house you if you are "intentionally homeless". If you just leave without any domestic violence, they are likely to say it is " intentional homelessness ". They certainly would in our London Borough.

Check out the Housing section on citizensadvice.org.uk or shelter.org.uk.

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RunRabbitRunRabbit · 05/12/2015 21:51

You should not leave. Get legal advice. He will be made to budge eventually if he can't buy you out.

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DeoGratias · 05/12/2015 22:15

Do you both own the house in joint names?

If so and you want to divorce then you can do what I did - tell him; then both instruct solicitors; then agree a financial settlement then one of you buys the other out of the house on a remortgage which in our case I could afford to do and he could not. Then once the money is transferred and house transferred into the one name the person who is not buying the other out leaves. That took us 7 months and we lived together during that time.

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MissFitt68 · 05/12/2015 22:22

Well what do you want to happen? Can you afford the mortgage alone?

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mintoil · 05/12/2015 22:52

Absolutely DO NOT LEAVE. Depending on where you live this could be disastrous for you. Where I live you would be stuck in B&B for YEARS if you make yourself intentionally homeless.

If you are married you can instigate divorce proceedings and he will have to leave the house as PP have said you are primary carer of DC and one has SN.

He will have to pay you 20% of his net pay as child maintenance. Please at least see a solicitor to get legal advice and see if a mesher order would help you?