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Concerned about a friend. Controlling relationship or not?

(10 Posts)
Nannaboppa Fri 04-Dec-15 19:05:12

I'm a bit concerned about my friend. We go to a lot of keep fit classes, put for coffee together & she's always texting her husband or he texts her & I've seen her go Into a panic if she realises she's late or missed a call or text from him. They don't have children so there's no reason to keep to a timescale.
I've noticed it a few times like she has to be back for a certain time, she's even lied to me twice saying she had to be back to do something then I've later found out she hasn't done the said thing. Whenever I'm with her her husband rings or texts her.
I got to thinking, maybe he controls her but I've watched her & her husband together & they seem fine, she doesn't seem at all scared of him so what the ek is going on?!
She goes on holiday with different friends without him & he seems fine with this. But to see her panic had alarm bells ringing.
I don't know what to think, any ideas?

SpaceCucumber Fri 04-Dec-15 19:16:24

Think nothing. It's none of your business.

My Husband and I are similar. We like to communicate. We miss each other. There's nothing dark or sinister.

If they seem fine when together and she seems happy leave it alone or you risk ruining your friendship.

Marilynsbigsister Fri 04-Dec-15 22:00:24

My husband does this, especially if I'm out with others. It's annoying but mostly due to his insecurities and mh ( he has BPD - well controlled with Meds but trying to control everything is a feature) ..when he gets too annoying I switch off the phone !

AnyFucker Fri 04-Dec-15 22:28:52

Op, you have every right to be looking out for your friend

There does seem to be some red flags here but none of us know what goes on behind closed doors

Some people actually like this level of interest in their every move. It's not for me <shudder>

Maybe keep a friendly eye and if it seems appropriate in response to a specific situation, have a gentle word

Atenco Sat 05-Dec-15 05:41:45

Sounds like a sign of controlling to me.

Nannaboppa Sat 05-Dec-15 13:01:17

Space cucumber you haven't seen my friend going Into a blind panic when she realises the time, do you go Into a panic? It may have nothing to do with me but I am concerned & will still look out for my friend. That's what friends do.

SpaceCucumber Sat 05-Dec-15 14:24:24

Actually sometimes I do worry/panic. If he's texted and I didn't see it for awhile, or if I'm running late and agreed to meet him at a certain time and know he'll be waiting (even if it's just at home). I know he panics more than I do. He gets very stressed out if he's told me he'll be home at a certain time and then is running late for whatever reason. I have no idea why, as I've never made an issue out of it.

But just because some people find it odd or wouldn't do it themselves doesn't mean that it's not the normal for your friends relationship, or that she's unhappy with the way things are. I had a few people tell me my relationship was verging on abusive. It wasn't. Not at all. We have been married a long time now and still want to spend all our time together and miss each other when we're not together. Interestingly those people who were so eager to lecture me on how unhealthy my relationship was are all divorced now and no longer part of our lives. Sad really, that they were so intent on finding fault with my happy relationship, when they should have been focussing on their own. Not saying that's the case for you at all, just my experience.

If you're that concerned just ask her. But be careful as she may not appreciate it.

SpaceCucumber Sat 05-Dec-15 14:57:08

Sorry, I just read back my posts. I wasn't meaning to sound as I did. I wasn't attacking you at all. Just trying to give you another angle that it may not be all dark and doom as you fear.

You know your friend and what is normal and not normal for her.

I didn't word my posts very well. I apologise.

Nannaboppa Sat 05-Dec-15 19:26:15

No problem Spacecucumber as you say it could be normal for them. Always good to get a different spin on things.

OhYesToYestyn Sun 06-Dec-15 19:13:17

maybe she is has a mild OCD and hates being late not only for her H but generally? OCD sufferers tend to panic a lot when something isn't accurate/according to plan.

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