... to have a lasting happy equal relationship with the first person you date after an abusive marriage? Just that really. If so, any advice on how to handle this right, especially with children in the equation?
I'm totally falling for someone who asked me out a while ago and who I've been regularly seeing as friends for 3-4 months. I've held back, I feel worried about being abused again and or being too reliant on him during my recovery. But the attraction is there. He's not pushy, he's reliable and nice. I've analysed and analysed and I can't find anything I dislike about him or that is weird. Only that I think he sees I struggle sometimes and wants to help, and I think a little part of my attraction for him comes from that, although not only. Far from it.
I worry about rebound, the fact that he seemed so sure he wanted to go out with me from the beginning and is still so sure, despite knowing my life is complicated. That attracts me to him but really freaks me out too, like it's too good to be true.
Since splitting from my stbx (on whom I entirely depended financially) I feel I need to prove I can cope by myself and be independent. So I do that but I can't actually say it makes me happy. I cry every bloody evening at the moment because I don't know what to do. I hate the loneliness but at same time maybe I'm letting myself down by not waiting more. I managed to bounce back from every knock but by going out with this guy I feel I can't cope with anything anymore. I also feel incredibly disloyal to my kids for some reason I can't fathom, like I'm lying to them. Or being frivolous by spending time with someone else and having fun away from them.
I worry maybe I'm rushing into something when I shouldn't. That maybe I should listen to people who say take a break from relationships completely and casually date different people rather than go from one long (bad) relationship to something serious again. The idea of dating different people casually, even in a year's time, fills me with total horror so I'm not even sure why I think that. I did have a break but definitely not as long as I thought it would be when I called time on my marriage.
What's sparked this is that I went to his house for the first time this weekend, and we kissed. So the relationship is moving to more than friends now. It was lovely but I feel really scared how to handle this right. Right now I also can't afford to pay more on childcare than I already do to go to work and he's offered to pay so we can carry on spending time together once a week. I worry if he pays I'm going back on what I promised myself not to be dependent on someone ever again. I feel all over the place since the weekend, which isn't helped by the fact my stbx is continuing to be a total arse over the divorce and some of my ptsd symptoms are resurfacing, which the guy knows nothing about.
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AstrantiaMallow · 01/12/2015 14:15
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