Does my DP have a toxic relationship with MIL and if so can we move past it as a couple? MIL is becoming increasingly malicious and I am struggling to know where to go from here. Included background to show the relationship between MIL and DP.
MIL used tell DP between age 9-13 that she was going to leave his dad DP saw his dad hit his mum on a few occasions MIL 'blamed' DP for not visiting her in hospital prior to an operation when he was 19 - DP says his dad told him it was better not to go (either way DP isn't the sort of person to not be there for his mum so if anything it was an error in judgement, nothing malicious) When DP was 7, his dad forgot his mum's birthday. When there was the inevitable argument, DP realised and found a pen in his bedroom and wrapped it up to give to his mum - she threw it back in his face Since we have lived together, MIL has called DP 4 times crying, telling him about a friend/aunt/neighbour she has fallen out with - I don't think this shows she is a particularly stable person MIL said that she no longer wants me to visit and would rather just see DP - I've said this is fine but I feel like it is quite odd 2 weeks ago we made an offer on a house and MIL cried to DP saying she didn't want to live on her own and it was 'too soon' for us to buy a home Last weekend DP and I went to the cinema then called in to see MIL on our way home and she went mad saying I was controlling because we hadnt invited her to see the film A month ago I used the toilet in MIL's house and heard her telling DP he should ignore sodapop's needs and if he wanted to move back in with her for space then he could save money.
DP never defends me, which only makes MIL worse. He says he cant upset her.
Things seem to get worse as time goes on. Would you stay or call it a day? I'm 29 and we planned our life together but this is making our life miserable.
It might be familiar because it does happen quite a lot sadly. I have only after 20 years realised the hold my MIL has on DH. As another posted said I try not to take things too personally as she can't cope with the partners of any of the three people she is most dependent on DH, his SIS and MIL's twin. She is horrible to all the partners and cannot cope that she is no the center of all decision making.
In my case DH does side with me rather than his mum but then she blames me for anything which he does which she doesn't like (apparently he can't have a mind of his own but must always be manipulated by someone).