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It is the broken trust that hurts the most

(14 Posts)
MyFuture Fri 27-Nov-15 14:19:38

I have a tread somewhere here about the fact that I discovered 1 month ago that the man that I thought was my "partner" have been seeing someone else for 1 year now.

It is such a cliche but i thought that we were totally onest with each other. Today he finally confessed that he told her "i love you"

I was trying to understand why I am not mad but just really really sad and today I realised that it is becasue of the broken trust. I still love him, I will always help him and I could have gone over the fact that he was having a "hot between the sheets" relationship with someone else but what is killing me is the fact that he lied to me for 1 year, and he would still be lying if I did not press for a clear answer.

It is not the lost love that is making me crying, is the fact that someone i trusted betrayed me so badly.

I am sorry, it does not make a lot of sense, but it does to me...

maras2 Fri 27-Nov-15 15:17:26

Makes sense to me,love.So sorry that he broke your heart.Maybe you can work through the broken trust if not look after and be kind to yourself flowers MX.

Belle0906 Fri 27-Nov-15 15:32:02

I'm sorry for your heartache and I know exactly what you mean about someone you trusted betraying you so badly.

I discovered that my ex partner had been cheating on me for many months. I thought he was playing football once a week but really he was conducting an affair. I only found out when he refused to leave me and she turned up on my doorstep.

The betrayal and the lies was the thing that I couldn't get over.

MyFuture Fri 27-Nov-15 15:35:06

He called the not telling me before "an omission"... Can you believe that?

The problem is also compounded by the fact that we are now in a long distance realtionship: I'm in another country and he is there with her all the time.

Again, not her fault is not she who broke the trust. But God it feels like I have been stabbed...

Jan45 Fri 27-Nov-15 16:14:59

You are not still with him???

whatdoIget Fri 27-Nov-15 16:18:37

What do you mean you'll "always help him" ? He doesn't deserve anything from you! Cut contact, please!

MyFuture Fri 27-Nov-15 16:19:02

I am not with him. But it hurts after 15 years and ut hurts so much that I cannot see a way out. My brain tells me all the right things but my heart has got a different agenda. I'm crying for the betrayal, more than I'm crying for my lost love.

Jan45 Fri 27-Nov-15 16:20:55

It's though but try and think this was not the man you thought it was - so what's the situation now, is he contacting you?

Of course there's a way out and I also think you shouldn't be helping him with jack shit, he's treated you appallingly, lucky escape actually, you will come to realise this in time.

Killairno Fri 27-Nov-15 16:24:08

Oh, MyFuture, I really feel for you.
I think you do need to cut ties and contact so that you can heal. Is there anyone you can talk to in real life?

What a horrible feeling for you, so sorry to hear you have been hurt.

MyFuture Fri 27-Nov-15 16:45:39

More info are coming out now. Apparently she knows of my existence but she does not know that he has been fucking both of us for the last year. Because when he sees me I blow his mind away.... More his dick I think!!!!

I asked him to tell me straight if they are in love, but apparently it is complicated... Some times yes some times no.... Coward

But if my brain knows that he is a coward liar poor excuse of a man why I'm crying and will give everything I have to have him back?

Unfortunately after 15 years lives are interconnected: his father is old and very ill and I was helping him sorting out his treatment and his care , he is going to be made redundant and I was helping him finding another job....

Jan45 Fri 27-Nov-15 16:59:47

Don't help anyone that does this sort of thing to you, he's not got your back so why have his - give it time, you are probably in shock, in time you will start to feel anger I hope and that will stop you `helping him`.

goddessofsmallthings Fri 27-Nov-15 18:29:13

He called the not telling me before "an omission"... Can you believe that?

Given the innumerable examples of man's inhumanity to woman on this board, no-one here will have difficulty believing that the twunt who's broken your trust regards failing to tell you that he's been dipping his wick into an ow for the past year as 'an omission' on his part.

However, as I recall from your earlier threads, this isn't the first time you've discovered that he's been having regular emissions with ow during the course of your long distance relationship, and this third ow occasion should be sufficient to convince you that he isn't worth the candle you're holding for him.

Two ow strikes and he should have been out of your life forever and three is more than sufficient for you to get goddamn angry at yourself for maintaining that this man is in any way worthy of you.

FGS woman! Stop trying to be a female Sydney Carton. Spit in his eye, tell him that if you can be arsed and have a pair of tap shoes handy you'll being doing the fandango on his grave - and then cut the fucker dead.

MyFuture Fri 27-Nov-15 18:59:44

I have just done that tonight. Told him to get lost

Now i will allow myself a week to greave and cry and scream and curse the word and them I will move on

I know I can do it.

I just have to be strong

But for fuck sake it hurts

goddessofsmallthings Fri 27-Nov-15 19:37:20

Of course it hurts, but it's a case of no pain, no gain and you will regain your self-respect if you ditch this lying tosser once and for all.

Regardless of what blandishments/promises he comes up with, there must be no going back as you know full well that he'll do it again... and again ad infinitum.

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